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    dots Submission Name: Mugen Academy: Chapter 1dots

    Author: saika
    ASL Info:    17-F-chicago
    Elite Ratio:    1.74 - 2/5/8
    Words: 1178
    Class/Type: Story/Vampire
    Total Views: 888
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 6241

       i'm still writing this so yeah...i think it's pretty good with maybe a few errors here and there...heh if you want you can tell me whats up and how i can improve...or even if i should be a writer at all....

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMugen Academy: Chapter 1dots

    Chapter 1

    Today・s was Saika・s first day at Mugen high her mom made her transfer from her old school because they had to move because of her dad・s job. What she didn・t know was that Mugen Academy was a school for vampires, and that she was going to be the only human there.

    :Time to get up for your first day of school Saika!; her mom yelled opening her blinds in her room making Saika pull her covers over her head.
    :momKK; she started to complain.
    ;no excuses sai you・re going to school, now get dressed.;

    Saika put on her white belly T-shirt, her pink cropped jacket which covered her white tee well, her black slightly baggy jeans and her favorite hat. She grabbed her jacket and ran out the door to her new school.

    Saika arrived at her school so she decided to hang out around the front since it was still early.
    :hello there; a voice said, it was a young girl, around Saika・s age. :Are you new here?; she asked Saika. :why yes I amKand who might you be?; questioned saika. :oh my name is Adelynne, and excuse me for being rude but what are you?; ;why I.m a human why?; Saika said. You know this is a school for vampires right?; said Adelynne. :what?!; exclaimed saika :hey uhmm they・re not gonnaKy・know are they?; saika said nervously.;
    :no not if you act like one of us; Adelynne said grinning. :oh that・s good thenKso hey what・s with the bunny ears?; Saika asked pointing to her bunny ears. :oh these? I had these custom made. I guess I forgot to tell you that I would be one of the weirdest people you・ll ever meet here huh?; Adelynne said grinning. :uhmmm ok thenKK; saika said turning her head looking at the boy walking toward them.

    :hey there Sting; greeted Adelynne. Sting walked toward them with on hand in his pocket and the other holding his bag over his shoulder. :who・s this?; Sting said looking at Saika. :oh Sting this is Saika she・s new here Saika this is Sting; said Adelynne.

    :hello there; said Sting to Saika :hello; Saika said shyly. :you best get to classKKyou too Saika.; Sting walked into the building and to his locker. Adelynne walked to her locker. Saika walked to hers which was right next to Sting・s. Sting was leaning on his locker when Saika came around. :well hello there Saika I didn・t think I・d be seeing you again so soon; Sting grinned looking at Saika trying to open her locker. Saika struggling to open her locker said hello to Sting and punched her locker until it finally opened.
    :So what class do you have first; Asked Sting opening his locker and pulling out some random manga. ;mathKKI hate it; said Saika holding her books in her locker so they won・t fall out, ;what about you?; :I have math too; Sting said taking his math book out his locker. :so you read manga Sting?; asked Saika. :yeah I just put them behind my books in class you want one?; said sting handing her a random manga. :uhmm sure; saika said taking her hand off her books to take the manga but her book in her locker fall on top of her. :owwww; said saika as she fell to the floor. Sting chuckled as he got down to help Saika pick up her books. Saika picked up all her books and threw them in her locker. :I have to get to class see you later; sting ran off to his math class. :uh-oh I better get going too; said saika running to her math class. Adelynne was stuck in Vampire History.

    Saika walked into her math class and sat in the back of the room and sat down. Sting walked into his math class and sat down in any random see and started reading his manga :I hope the teacher isn・t lame; Sting thought to himself. The teacher walked into the class and looked at Sting :this is math young man; The teacher said taking his manga :you・ll get this back after class;. Saika leaned over in the aisle and saw sting a few seats ahead of her. :in trouble already sting?; she whispered. Sting chuckled and looked back at saika :the teacher・s a drag; whispered Sting.
    saika had to sit alone at lunch because her two new friends had a different lunch period than her.

    Later she went down stairs to the school library she looked for a book on vampires that・s when she saw a group of guys walk in they were all dressed in black clothes one guy had red eyes and a long ponytail, another guy had red hair with piercings through his nose, ears, and his mouth it was a good look for him, and the last guy had long hair and piercing red eyes. They all walked over to a group of kids. The group of kids got up and moved instantly, Saika sat at a table near them hoping that she wouldn・t be noticed my them. :hey girl, you with the hat.; one called to her. Saika turned and looked. :do you know who we are? You have no right to be sitting near the Akatsuki.; Saika got up and moved but then the bell rang it was time to go home saika got her things and started walking home.
    on her way home Saika cut through an alley, that・s when a thug grabbed her she tried to get away but she couldn・t. that・s when one of the Akatsuki members came along it as the one with the red eyes and long ponytail. :let the girl go; said the Akatsuki member.; :what if I don・t; said the thug holding a knife to Saika・s neck. The Akatsuki member widened his eyes and instantly killed the thug holding Saika. :t-thank you sir but who are you?KKhow can I repay you; said Saika nervously. The Akatsuki member walked toward Saika and put his hand on her shoulder and said. :my name is Itachi Uchiha it・s a pleasure to meet youKmiss--; Saika stepped away from Itachi and bowed :my name is Saika Sarenia Kohaku and I humbly thank you for saving me, can I repay you in any way?; saika said.
    :your thanks is enoughKKif you ever need me Saika-san don・t hesitate to call me; Itachi handed her a Akatsuki ring just like his and walked off into the darkness of the night. Saika watched as he walked off into the darkness.

    Submitted on 2008-12-23 09:46:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      wow. well the story line looks promising and you could do alot with it. but as for the punctuation and spelling (mine sucks as well) you need to go through and fix the quotes or your character. if someone new speaks its a new paragraph. it will make it clearer. add a little bit more detail when introducing a character. but there is no need for a background story right away. i enjoyed how the story just jumps right in this characters life and situation. need to check your use of commas and apostrophes. i will look forward to seeing your revised version. good luck and thx for the write
    | Posted on 2008-12-27 00:00:00 | by marrymejuliet | [ Reply to This ]

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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