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    dots Submission Name: The Ransomdots

    Author: The Gadfly
    ASL Info:    52/M/Moreno Valley, CA
    Elite Ratio:    3.55 - 1048/1348/375
    Words: 138
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 739
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 915

       A spiritual poem.

    ABAAB format, eight syllables per line.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Ransomdots

    A single gasp of darkness there,
    a clicking hasp, the door swings wide
    and to the point of death, beware;
    such parted lips in whispered prayer,
    brush teeth and lips and gums aside,

    to swallow whole the empty lie,
    which was ingested from the womb.
    The haunting past, which will not die
    from lack of guilt or second try,
    scant light shines from its vaulted room.

    The hostage cannot bear the debt
    in ransom that can win release
    from captor's snare and tangled net.
    The stakes rise high and higher yet
    as each day witnesses increase.

    So pierce the culprit, yes, impale
    and pin sin down, then run it through.
    In throes of death, though it may wail
    forgiveness pours from every nail,
    the ransom, Jesus, paid for you.

    The Gadfly

    Submitted on 2008-12-23 12:56:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
       I counted all the syllables in each line. great work, 8 in each. And whats more is that youve penned it all down in a beautiful way that although highlights the effort put into the piece its appears dynamically uncomplicated retelling a tale many a christian is familiar with. Your diction is extraordinary and wordchoice causes that Jaws DunDun...DunDun... heartbeating sound in your eardrums grabbing a hold of the reader, demanding his or her attention, with the final feeling of "this is urgent, pay attention."

    Congrats on you're third publishing, from this poem alone I can tell you're a very good writer.

    Have a good day,

    | Posted on 2009-01-20 00:00:00 | by SincerWritinAsh | [ Reply to This ]

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