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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Dreamingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: CourtneyLynne
    ASL Info:    23/female/Washington
    Elite Ratio:    5.37 - 74/70/56
    Words: 106
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 817
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 718



    Description:
       I actually had a dream, and it was a very good dream. damn reality. huff.

    this is fairly hideous,

    I like it.



    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDreamingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    You and I were lost in thought,
    and now weve found a way
    to dance among our memories,
    to wriggle from the fray.
    Every day and every night
    that were far apart,
    we meet inside our fevered minds
    and sweep back to the start.
    Beginning at our favorite scene,
    a well worn novella tale,
    We dance among our dog-eared plays
    and pronounce our banal sales.
    We make our slogans trite and sweet,
    our efforts get mundane,
    when our prosaic lullabies
    become something plain.
    Plain as pain we ran from first,
    making our dreams moot,
    because loving hurts much worse
    than living does in truth.




    Submitted on 2008-12-23 20:44:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Cupcake! Love it! the rhythm is perfect, and there is the thought that is plain as day. So true. Then the end words... BAM! Bring it all together in simplicity! Amazing my talented friend :)

    BTW the end lines are sooo my favorite... it's one of those slightly bitter things that are great.
    | Posted on 2009-01-21 00:00:00 | by Kaygrl | [ Reply to This ]
       This was another great piece from you. I like the rhyme and flow. I love the last two lines, pure genius.

    There is a small problem with one of your transitions here "our efforts get mundane-when our prosaic lullabies-Transform, become pain". These lines (the last part in particular) are not up to par with the rest of this piece.
    | Posted on 2008-12-24 00:00:00 | by nicodemous | [ Reply to This ]
      "because loving hurts much worse
    than living does in truth."


    there is definite truth in this ending statement of yours which rings true with me as well. this piece, as a whole, meanders, yet is tied together by heartful connections.

    why are dreams so much better, so much more full at times? i guess all these aches come out in some way, made real in these hours of sleeping.

    you dream of love here. of something lazy and beautiful. as it should be, i think.

    graceful.
    | Posted on 2008-12-24 00:00:00 | by meoww | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the idea behind this. I can really relate to it in the sense that dreaming is better than being awake at times. I think the rhythm could use a little work, but it is a lot harder to achieve in rhyming poetry. I don't do a lot of rhyming poetry. Though reading this, I'm not quite sure exactly what your dream was about. (^_^);

    Your Beautiful Nightmare,
    Lilithe
    | Posted on 2008-12-24 00:00:00 | by Lilithe_Aislin | [ Reply to This ]


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