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    dots Submission Name: Rainbow Popsicledots

    Author: freshcookies
    Elite Ratio:    4.15 - 63/77/45
    Words: 58
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 738
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 382


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    dotsRainbow Popsicledots

    I was your rainbow Popsicle
    Until I began this melancholy melting
    My colorful teardrops raining down
    Under the blistering sun of seclusion
    And as they mix together
    In a puddle at your feet
    That red drop turns purple
    That blue drop turns green
    Until none is separate from another
    And I am reduced to a sticky brown goop.

    Submitted on 2008-12-29 05:45:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Yeah, it was really written in a moment of a pretty unfounded depressed feeling. I wrote it more just to write than to make anything worthwhile...but I kinda liked it in the end.
    I was thinking the rain and sun lines would kinda express how much it didn't really make sense.
    I think it's a bit unclear mostly just because I had no idea what was going on in the first place.
    Maybe I'll work on it sometime...
    | Posted on 2009-01-02 00:00:00 | by freshcookies | [ Reply to This ]
      You've finger-painted my heart
    into a single, sordid color
    we should be Crayola
    and clean paper swirling
    with a hundred distinct shades

    so much color
    so little time to blend
    | Posted on 2008-12-30 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      This doesn't really sound depressed. In fact it sounds as if you have a keen sense of humour. One kaleidoscopic meltdown into perfect synthesis doesn't make you a drip!

    "Blistering sun of seclusion" doesn't really work (I really wanted to say "cuts no ice with me").

    Would "without the shade of your love" work better?

    What's behind the poem? Perhaps it is your duty as a poet to bring forward what is behind.
    | Posted on 2008-12-29 00:00:00 | by hanuman | [ Reply to This ]

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