Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: submissiondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: isaiahc4
    ASL Info:    26/M/TX
    Elite Ratio:    3.26 - 120/198/62
    Words: 105
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 502
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 687



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotssubmissiondots
    -------------------------------------------


    I've held it all inside me
    I've kept it all from spilling out.
    I've punched the walls and broken things
    held inside my every doubt.

    I've let the turmoil not be seen
    kept a smile on my face.
    while my life keeps taking things
    from me which I cannot replace.

    everythings been burried deep
    I've fought so hard to keep there.
    tried to keep you from seeing
    though in reality you don't care.

    you can't see my world is crumbling
    nor the tears I hold inside.
    you will never have to see
    the things that I have chose to hide.




    Submitted on 2008-12-30 04:06:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Hm. Interesting. I must say this write has definite depth to it. I honestly can say that I can relate to it. Which most times I find a good thing, in this however I find it a fault. I'm sorry to read that you're going through this. All that I can say is that I hope it improves for you. I do have some critiques for you. I know you requested thoughts, but... well, hopefully you will understand. Just give it some punctuation for emphasis. It's a good write, but go for great. I know that is probably not anywhere on your list of things to do right now, but I believe you can do it. Good write. Keep up the expressions, its good to let things out sometimes. Once again... hope things get better. Have a nice night.
    | Posted on 2008-12-30 00:00:00 | by night_angel | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    169450

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Formal Jen written by Daniel Barlow
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    the testing of hypotheses written by Daniel Barlow
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Cover written by saartha
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Love written by saartha
    untitled written by ShyOne
    You read free written by poetotoe
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    prison written by ShyOne
    no words for how graceful you are in this moment written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    Shut Up written by annie0888

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry