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With the aid of the breeze, they float with ease,
Wriggling, giggling, whisp'ring absurdities,
dandelion seeds breaking their puffs when the wind is rough,
sighing and flying, leaving home and fluff.
Look close and you'll spy, unseen by lesser eyes
that inspect and dissect, scrutinize and analyze,
little faces, little feet, tiny shoes, polished neat.
Let us tarry with the faeries mid the flowers sweet.
But watch and be warned: be gone before morn,
lest enraptured you be captured and away be borne
to be kept as a pet by the lovely Faery Queen,
moddled and coddled and fed berries and cream.
| Mae, if you are writing for a specific purpose, such as to accompany an illustration in a child's book of flower fairies, then I suppose this must be acceptable, but if you are launching it like one of your dandelion seeds complete with its individual parachute, then it will also drift in front of the scrutinizing, dissecting, analytical gaze of one such as myself, who am bound to point out that this is too trivial and clichéd to be taken seriously.|
This is almost 2009 girl! The English language has moved on since William Wordsworth and even he was trying to escape the bounds of conventionalised "poetical" words. You have used "mid, breeze, spy, tarry, morn, lest and borne'. All these words are now archaic. They are not your words, they are the sort of words you find in a verse in a cheap birthday card. It might be American English, but seedy puffs sound to my British ears like gays past their used by date. Don't you use the term Dandelion clocks?
Why not forget about fairies and take a careful look at the structure of a dandelion clock and find some more original metaphor like perhaps paratroopers landing to defend the bridge at Arnhem or pathetic little ads in personal columns, under 30 year old dandelion seed, good figure, GSOH, likes animals, seeks warm, mature fertile soil companion.
|| Posted on 2008-12-31 00:00:00 | by hanuman | [ Reply to This ] |