This site will self destruct in 2 months, March 17.
It will come back, and be familiar and at the same time completely different.
All content will be deleted. Backup anything important.
--- Staff
Roleplay Cloud -

Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

The Truth About Seed Puffs

Author: mae
Elite Ratio:    5.96 - 597 /644 /262
Words: 106
Class/Type: Poetry /
Total Views: 935
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 707


Just for fun

The Truth About Seed Puffs

With the aid of the breeze, they float with ease,
Wriggling, giggling, whisp'ring absurdities,
dandelion seeds breaking their puffs when the wind is rough,
sighing and flying, leaving home and fluff.

Look close and you'll spy, unseen by lesser eyes
that inspect and dissect, scrutinize and analyze,
little faces, little feet, tiny shoes, polished neat.
Let us tarry with the faeries mid the flowers sweet.

But watch and be warned: be gone before morn,
lest enraptured you be captured and away be borne
to be kept as a pet by the lovely Faery Queen,
moddled and coddled and fed berries and cream.

Submitted on 2008-12-31 00:48:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  Mae, if you are writing for a specific purpose, such as to accompany an illustration in a child's book of flower fairies, then I suppose this must be acceptable, but if you are launching it like one of your dandelion seeds complete with its individual parachute, then it will also drift in front of the scrutinizing, dissecting, analytical gaze of one such as myself, who am bound to point out that this is too trivial and clichéd to be taken seriously.
This is almost 2009 girl! The English language has moved on since William Wordsworth and even he was trying to escape the bounds of conventionalised "poetical" words. You have used "mid, breeze, spy, tarry, morn, lest and borne'. All these words are now archaic. They are not your words, they are the sort of words you find in a verse in a cheap birthday card. It might be American English, but seedy puffs sound to my British ears like gays past their used by date. Don't you use the term Dandelion clocks?

Why not forget about fairies and take a careful look at the structure of a dandelion clock and find some more original metaphor like perhaps paratroopers landing to defend the bridge at Arnhem or pathetic little ads in personal columns, under 30 year old dandelion seed, good figure, GSOH, likes animals, seeks warm, mature fertile soil companion.
| Posted on 2008-12-31 00:00:00 | by hanuman | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?