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    dots Submission Name: What I wantdots

    Author: unnamedtear
    ASL Info:    18/f/TN
    Elite Ratio:    5.03 - 25/25/37
    Words: 184
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 564
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1106

       I was dating a great guy a while back or so ago. And he and I had had a humongous fight over his friends and my friends. We didn't talk to each other all night. And that night, I had cried so hard that I couldn't see straight. Turns out, we were failing from the beginning, and he made me feel like I wanted to be someone that he wanted, and not what I wanted.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhat I wantdots

    Can't you see? We're crushing hearts of the innocent.
    We're teaching all we know to fail.
    With the constant piercing of this shattered glass,
    And the burning of hearts brought on by the hell.

    Tell me something I don't already know.
    With all the hurt and despair inside.
    How it rips our basic being every moment
    The pain is so consistent, I don't even mind.

    Putting up with you and all the things you do
    is such a constant surrender that it's painful.
    Yet again, a routine is born in the heart
    to make a broken heart become unstable.

    I have fallen, to my knees as I sing out loud.
    It hides the pain of pretending all is fine.
    And I will continue to consume it all.
    I will hinder it and forever will it be mine.

    I will put these thoughts to rest.
    For I know that they are not the best for me.
    Yet the ironic part of my being still exists.
    I prefer being not myself, but who I want to be.

    Submitted on 2008-12-31 06:55:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Painful, unstable... wow. Such strong wording. You really are amazing. To bring together such words that I had never thought would fit into a sentence, let alone a stanza, or a group of them. Amazing.

    I do have some critiques for you... I hope you do not mind. Your fourth paragraph and final line, needs some punctuation to put emphasis on your statement. If I were to read it quick it would look like a question to me, but maybe that is just me. Also, your fifth paragraph and final line you have a spelling error. Here is what it should be: "I prefer being (not) myself, but who I want to be." Remember, these are only ideas. You do not have to change your work if you do not wish too. Happy Writings.

    | Posted on 2008-12-31 00:00:00 | by night_angel | [ Reply to This ]

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