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    dots Submission Name: untitleddots

    Author: Swimming Bird
    ASL Info:    31/m/AR
    Elite Ratio:    5.36 - 92/90/27
    Words: 148
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 930
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 991

       I am currently unable to think of a title. Any suggestions would be most appreciated.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Nothing right now, is inside my brain.
    The radio continues its constant refrain.
    I'm stuck in a fantasy world that's endlessly blank.
    I stumble.
    I fall.
    Everything's dank.
    I think of you and can no longer speak.
    The words spill away, like my brain sprung a leak.
    All that I have is what I feel in my heart.
    I know it's not much but hey,
    It's a start.
    Then the fantasy ends,
    Your image,
    It falls.
    Your light was my sun
    But the night conquers all.
    I'm afraid of my heart, of what it might do.
    It's shrouded in gloom,
    But your light pierces through.
    I'm afraid that you'll see just how ugly I am.
    Every thought.
    Every act.
    More a beast than a man.
    But what scares me most, what I'm frightened you'll see,
    Is my feelings for you,
    But you can't set them free.

    Submitted on 2009-01-01 18:49:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Sometimes you just gotta release the beast. Be yourself and be truly free!
    | Posted on 2013-12-21 00:00:00 | by CrypticBard | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey there,
    I love you.

    No but you shouldnt be afraid, not to show anyone who you truly are. But the question is who are you really? The person you are pretending to be? Or are you really pretending? Sorry...that kinda sounds wierd...but yeah...I think I can see who you are, and its perfect. There is no need to be afraid.

    | Posted on 2009-01-09 00:00:00 | by blankscreen | [ Reply to This ]
      Starting reading this I found your rhyming annoying.
    but only for the first half.
    I think the breaking down of each fourth line helped that a lot so I must congratulate you on saving what could have been an awful poem.

    Other than that there is a simplicity in this that portrays (to me) a vulnerability or an innocence which lends a lot of credence to the last few lines of being afraid of rejection? being unseen/seen i the wrong light?

    Obviously I can't tell if you meant it that way but Kudos to you either way.
    A nice light easy to read poem.
    | Posted on 2009-01-07 00:00:00 | by Localfreak | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
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    7. What was unclear?
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    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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