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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Early Ramblings of a Madmandots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Passionbyapathy
    ASL Info:    18/M/Ohio State
    Elite Ratio:    6.06 - 174/189/127
    Words: 271
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 110
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1786



    Description:
       heavy in symbolism

    hard to decipher due to ever-changing context


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsEarly Ramblings of a Madmandots
    -------------------------------------------


    I was best dressed, and so chivalrous
    In ribbon red
    With a plated gold breast
    Spread firm
    Across a chest of lead:
    Hard and dense
    Green glass shards from champagne bottles
    Poked jagged holes in bags of ruby red
    Like emeralds piercing the sky-line
    And letting loose the mighty sun-set horizon strip
    As if that dusty rust red space was unending
    And that wound would never clot

    Like a waterfall into darkness
    Follow the moon in its crescent descent
    After the climax of its ascension in the early hours
    You could watch the blackness give its way
    To yellow: to bronze: to the shine of tomorrow
    But the sorrow of the night before keeps me grounded
    I like fairy tales, and noble knights
    And damsels damned until I came along

    But I’m no better than anyone
    In this world of idolizing flaws
    And forgone reason, an acceptable treason
    Ignorance is a gemmed shawl over something ugly
    Can you blame humanity for its shallow intentions?
    Isn’t beauty more to us than pretty stones and petticoats?
    White coats, blue coats, striped coats
    And the cold

    And all of this seems so distant to every one of you
    You readers, hardened needy strangers
    But this is me, no make-up, and no special lighting
    I’m no hero, and I’m far from beautiful
    I can’t tell you what time it is
    But I’m fairly certain that some time ago
    The sun rose or set without me

    I envy those stellar figures
    Quiet heroes
    Overused and under appreciated
    Timeless in their magnificence
    But tell me
    When was the last time you looked up?




    Submitted on 2009-01-02 13:35:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      "But I’m fairly certain that some time ago
    The sun rose or set without me"

    Probably the most profound line in this piece, and I love profound.

    And, I don't see this as the ramblings of a madman. That is, unless, the person is viewed as a madman by others, when, in fact, he/she is completely sane and not ignorant.

    I feel this would work without the first stanza. The entire first stanza seems almost out of place to me, and I feel the poem would not suffer without it, nay, I think it would benefit. Just a thought.

    "But tell me
    When was the last time you looked up?"

    Is that a quasi-religious remark, or something completely different? It seems to say two different things to me:
    1) A reference to God, or
    2) Telling the people to stop staring at their feet, and look around at what is going on.
    I'm leaning more towards the latter one, seeing as that's what I think you were meaning by that line. But I could be wrong.

    Anyways, a great read, James. Keep it up!

    ~Asia
    | Posted on 2009-01-03 00:00:00 | by AsiaticFox | [ Reply to This ]
      Ignorance is a gemmed shawl over something ugly
    Can you blame humanity for its shallow intentions?
    Isn’t beauty more to us than pretty stones and petticoats?
    White coats, blue coats, striped coats
    And the cold

    I liked that.
    Very good, it felt honest to me.
    | Posted on 2009-01-02 00:00:00 | by Cathartus | [ Reply to This ]


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    9. How could it be improved?
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