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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Ungratefuldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: black_beauty18
    ASL Info:    25/Female/Hutchinson, KS
    Elite Ratio:    4.04 - 153/146/46
    Words: 117
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 474
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 752



    Description:
       Well, not everyone is easily pleased.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsUngratefuldots
    -------------------------------------------


    She's working seven days a week,
    Two jobs, no rest, no play.
    In return, his happiness she seeks,
    But she's rewarded with his complaints.

    She cooks and cleans, lays out his clothes,
    When he showers, his back she'll wash.
    Through all this, surely she knows,
    Her self-esteem he'll squash.

    He puts her down, he yells and accuses,
    Nothing is ever enough.
    His temper mounts and he leaves bruises,
    Each night when he drinks too much.

    Next morning, she wakes, sore from head to toe,
    It's just another day.
    She makes his breakfast and off to work she goes,
    There's no time to dwell on the pain.




    Submitted on 2009-01-02 23:25:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
       Not a bad write if I must say so myself. hopefully the person being abused as described in this poem is not you. I guess you could still improve on this poem a little by adding a better rhythm to it I guess, hell, I try not to be to critical when given critiques because I'm not an amazing author myself. lol.
    One definite improvement I see you could make would be to give the ending a bit more closure to it then it has. Kinda seems like the story line is unfinished the way it ended.
    Cant really say anything to much more. GOOD JOB, KEEP WRITING :D

    -mike
    | Posted on 2009-01-08 00:00:00 | by siroez | [ Reply to This ]


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