The present is where I'll always be by The Wolverine

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Submission Name: The present is where I'll always be dots

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Author:	The Wolverine
ASL Info:	23/M/MA
Elite Ratio:	4.51 - 74/137/91
Words:	453

Class/Type:	Random Thoughts/Serious
Total Views:	577
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	2396

Description:
written 9-02-2004

i feel the same way for the most part, but I do realize now that you can at least try to make up for past mistakes and rebuild bridges you've demolished, but there is still that sense of hope deep inside me, and that's one thing I will never let go.

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The present is where I'll always be dots

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I wish I had a time machine, to revisit the places I've seen.
Not even to change the past wrongs I committed, but just to relive them. It scares the hell out of me to know how much fun I have had, the amazing times. But all in the past. Hard to live up to. God, I hope more times like those, better ones lie ahead. But I'll always be stuck here, right now. The present is where I'll always be, until the end. Then, who knows? Maybe then.. I will be able to relive it all, the good and bad. That would be the best thing. I love my life and live it every day, keeping these moments ever present, for when I need to feel better.

If I could go back, I would. Oh God I'd go back. But now, thinking about the possibilites ahead, I'm not really sure if I want to. Because so many good things can happen. I hope they are plenty and often, because there isn't a way to go back. This moment in my life, right now- will never end. I'm living in the present, and thats where you can find me.

I'm scared. I'll admit it. I could die, any time. Something terrible could happen. I may not go to college. I may not graduate highschool. All these bad things are legitimate possibilites, but I have control over them, be it little or great. As long as I can look back on my life and be happy, everything will have been fine. For all the times I've smiled, cried, laughed, and made others laugh- they have shaped me. I am this person because of the experiences I have had. Some of them are bad of course, but in general I'm in good shape.

I have a lot of things going for me. I know its not possible to go back, so I thank God that these memories are the ones I will carry with me for the rest of my life. I can always have them, for when I can't sleep, when I'm sad or bored.

So fuck the future, don't worry about it. The past cannot be changed. The future is up to you. You decide what happens. This is your life, don't mess it up. Live it every single day. To the fullest. No more BS. 100%, all day every day. Throw your head back in the rain, stare at the sky, and be thankful. For everything.

So far, the ride has been pretty sweet. I'm gonna keep going, and take everything that comes at me, but the present is where I'll always be.

Submitted on 2009-01-04 20:39:04 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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||| Comments |||
:) I really liked these random thoughts...

In the last year or so I've gone through some major changes. I've graduated high school, went to college for a bit and decided that I needed something a little more....adventurous. I committed to a serious relationship, then got married. I gained a whole new group of friends (most of them married couples) I moved out of my house, lost touch with my family, and then did a complete circle, moved back in with my mom and dad (with my husband also), I'm trying to go back to school, trying to regain all of those old friendships I used to have...

I find myself now so different than I was during high school. I sit in bed most mornings trying to meditate, trying to remember. Desperately clinging to all of my happy memories.

It scares the hell out of me to know how much fun I have had, the amazing times. But all in the past. Hard to live up to.

Those lines read so true for me. That's exactly how I feel. I remember all of the laughs that I had, and I look at the laughs that I have now, and for some reason, they're not the same. I supposed I'll look on these laughs fondly in a couple of years, the same way I look at my past laughs now...And I just wish that I could go back and just...I don't know, capture every good time I had. I want to remember every detail, every conversation, every smile, every tear. Its sad how fuzzy my memory is now.

I love my life and live it every day, keeping these moments ever present, for when I need to feel better.

I use my memories to feel better when I'm sad, or to bring me back to reality when I start to feel invincible. But, like you said, I need to look forward to the future, and keep my head in the present. There's nothing wrong with remembering all the good/bad times you had, but I have to remember to pay attention to the now, because in a couple of years, I'll be going through the same thing of wishing I could remember better the good times I'm having now.

Thanks for sharing, Mike.

~krys
| Posted on 2009-01-12 00:00:00 | by was_i_ever_real | [ Reply to This ]

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