I wish I had a time machine, to revisit the places I've seen.
Not even to change the past wrongs I committed, but just to relive them. It scares the hell out of me to know how much fun I have had, the amazing times. But all in the past. Hard to live up to. God, I hope more times like those, better ones lie ahead. But I'll always be stuck here, right now. The present is where I'll always be, until the end. Then, who knows? Maybe then.. I will be able to relive it all, the good and bad. That would be the best thing. I love my life and live it every day, keeping these moments ever present, for when I need to feel better.
If I could go back, I would. Oh God I'd go back. But now, thinking about the possibilites ahead, I'm not really sure if I want to. Because so many good things can happen. I hope they are plenty and often, because there isn't a way to go back. This moment in my life, right now- will never end. I'm living in the present, and thats where you can find me.
I'm scared. I'll admit it. I could die, any time. Something terrible could happen. I may not go to college. I may not graduate highschool. All these bad things are legitimate possibilites, but I have control over them, be it little or great. As long as I can look back on my life and be happy, everything will have been fine. For all the times I've smiled, cried, laughed, and made others laugh- they have shaped me. I am this person because of the experiences I have had. Some of them are bad of course, but in general I'm in good shape.
I have a lot of things going for me. I know its not possible to go back, so I thank God that these memories are the ones I will carry with me for the rest of my life. I can always have them, for when I can't sleep, when I'm sad or bored.
So fuck the future, don't worry about it. The past cannot be changed. The future is up to you. You decide what happens. This is your life, don't mess it up. Live it every single day. To the fullest. No more BS. 100%, all day every day. Throw your head back in the rain, stare at the sky, and be thankful. For everything.
So far, the ride has been pretty sweet. I'm gonna keep going, and take everything that comes at me, but the present is where I'll always be.