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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Veinsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Razor2TheRosary
    ASL Info:    24 - f - Philly
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 238/127/51
    Words: 183
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 841
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1144



    Description:
       Does it get more overdone than this? ..Nope!!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsVeinsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I miss my veins, the knife, the stains, the stitches and the senseless gain that designed the shrine I never left. Rain's a distraction from the fact that I've been freezing to death. Every breath ties me tighter to demise, rising for rituals, twitching through lies. Switching addictions drains life from my eyes, sucking all tact from the goals I devise, cracking the path on which every soul dies, and stacking reactions that eat my insides..
    But guile is the cruelest drug. It's sharpest in the hole I've dug, dilating pupils, violating what I loved. I shoved the smiles of dreaming down my throat to stop the screaming, waited for a while, then sedated useless feelings, but healing's not an option when you're staring at the ceiling.
    Concealing constant shame is a syringe for the insane. It raped disfigured skin and shaped the mannequin I became. There's no one left to blame, therefore I stay chained to the floor. It's hardest to explain without obtaining shallow gore. Desecrating hallow ground means nothing anymore to what remains, so mutilation reigns.
    I miss my veins.




    Submitted on 2009-01-07 09:53:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      Well....
    I was getting ready to write a scathing review on a long rant and then...... to my surprise I enjoyed the read.

    I can't agree with a lot of the words you used in here, I've seen them used so many times in so many similar way (Which is why I was expecting to scold you) but somehow you have made them stand out from the others.

    I love the feeling of speed and anger pushing each line into the next, making you need to read the next line even if you don't want to.
    It's like being pulled along by a rollercoaster (Forgive the lame analogy please)

    I'd like to see you write like this with more original words.
    I think it would be amazing, truly.

    Thanks for posting for us to read.
    ::Local::
    | Posted on 2009-01-07 00:00:00 | by Localfreak | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, this is intense! a fave. you do a fantastic job expressing yourself here.

    my one and only nit is with 'sucking all tact from the goals I devise' - not sure tact is right here. you're using such intense words throughout this, tact seems weak. other than that, terrific work here!
    | Posted on 2009-01-07 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]


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