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    dots Submission Name: Looking Over the World for Youdots

    Author: KeeperOfLight
    ASL Info:    23, Vancouver BC
    Elite Ratio:    2.54 - 40/64/74
    Words: 296
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 547
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2050

       here it is revised.

    critique is always loved.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLooking Over the World for Youdots

    I am here

    right here

    not over there

    where the cliffs go

    down to the spines

    of the blue sea

    I am here

    right here

    beside you

    looking over

    the world

    and the times that come,

    but where I know

    and what I see you

    will never believe

    all that comes alive,

    and visits.

    What thee tells you that

    once this nation rises you

    will want see that which comes

    you will believe in what

    I have to say

    because its horses

    with horns and hooves of steel

    clatters the lands

    for miles

    along with its angelic wings

    but what can they be

    for what I must see

    and where this place has


    I have not an Idea

    for how can I stop you

    you where said to be true

    to be innocent

    to be pure of all


    Those tellings of

    bedtime tales where

    not what they seemed

    for you may be beautiful

    you may be powerful

    but you are not good

    you come to destroy

    to intercept what

    we have done for

    your own amusement

    and you will not stop

    you will keep going

    with your white and blond

    and penguin suits

    you will keep tearing at

    what you may believe

    and when it has all been

    brought about

    there may be nothing

    left of what Was.

    and that...

    that will be the


    Submitted on 2009-01-07 21:37:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      "I have not an Idea"..this sounds a little bit off in the stanza I had to stop here and realized it kinda distorts the flow. with the short lines, I have no problem with the length of the poem..
    glad to have stopped here..

    | Posted on 2012-08-25 00:00:00 | by jeniecel | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, I think it started off as a love poem but didn't quite make it to the end anyway.
    the part that was love poem was nice soft and beautifully written like a good love poem should but it slipped into something more heavy and kinda dragged the poem down, I liked the second part the poem changed into as a seperate entity as it should be, however, it did run together.

    You have two very well written pieces here.

    | Posted on 2009-01-08 00:00:00 | by dismal_s child | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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