[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: :::match under glass:::dots

    Author: Syn
    Elite Ratio:    4.71 - 115/136/83
    Words: 133
    Class/Type: Poetry/Satire
    Total Views: 968
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 862


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots:::match under glass:::dots

    there's a fire in a glass and it's just about to break
    an explosion in a bottle that you can't wait to shake
    up and
    and up
    then POW!
    you're covered in a substance you don't recognize
    you feel like maybe heroin was injected in your eyes
    you're dizzy, disoriented and your coat got singed
    you start to feel the fingers of becoming unhinged
    like fusillade you came to this reality misapplied
    you sit perfectly still, yet you sway side to side
    now bright red bursts all around you start to fall
    but somehow you're protected by a thick glass wall
    now you're the fire in the glass, and it's just about to break
    my explosion in a bottle that i just... can't wait to shake

    Submitted on 2009-01-08 03:05:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This is a very explosive piece, I must say. Well, it's a cheesy thing for me to say, but take it as a compliment. :D The rhyming gives it a good flow. If I were you, I'd remove any form of punctuation... it'll give it more of a punch because the reader will continuously read it without pausing much at all. And because the "POW" is in all CAPS it is implied that it is emphasized. This is a wonderful piece, burning with emotion. I absolutely adore the imagery. Please do me a favor and NEVER stop writing. :)
    | Posted on 2011-05-21 00:00:00 | by Poehemian | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very original topic and I like how well it flows! The metaphores are so well done, and the poem itself really aroused a sense of building momentum and anticipation within me. This is a great motivational piece. Perhaps add a little more description, and it would be perfect. Bravo!

    | Posted on 2009-11-23 00:00:00 | by Anneboleyn707 | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]