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    dots Submission Name: The Lady of Avalondots

    Author: realpoet
    Elite Ratio:    6.51 - 904/475/311
    Words: 235
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 653
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1309

       This is about an early twentieth century event.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Lady of Avalondots

    To regret to have seen the Lady of Avalon
    would be to speak mild of her antics in the night,
    as arising from her bed would make any knight
    disclothe his armor and run in fright
    having seen her wand of magical transform
    from a beauty of desire any would pay ransom
    to a hieneous hinter-land beast.

    She grew her garlic of most potent kind
    and bathed her flesh in watermellon rind
    grown on the sandy shore beide the Bay of Tripoli
    as sailors watched her perform Dance of Death,
    bellowing to the city on opposite shore,
    then turned to grieve the thousnds dead
    in the bloody waters and bloody shore.

    She quietened her suitor on other side
    by showing him her luscious thighs
    that anyone of dignity for her cause would have died;
    but this fellow blackened between lip and nose
    retreated from her stench filled thighs.

    This Lady of Avalon, dressed in stripes of red and white ,
    pursued her suitor to his Dachau place
    and kissed all her kin penned therein
    as her suitor spun his chariot wheels
    away from her frightful yet endearing charm
    and hugged his mistress Armageddon.

    Submitted on 2009-01-08 03:21:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      this reminds me of tennyson's 'the lady of shallot' in terms of its classical diction, imagery and rhythm. but it also reminds me of helen of troy, how men launched a thousand ships because of her beauty. also, there are parallels with greek goddesses, perhaps aphrodite with her sensual ways; there's definitely an element of lust and sin here, which, to the voice behind the poem, is a despicable thing. obviously, there are connections to guinevere and morgana le fay, too.

    a parable perhaps? a message that one shouldn't give in to these temptations, and instead, keep pure? that's what i got from this.

    i don't want to nitpick too much but you have a few typos. also, you have some connecting words that are missing that would make this flow a lot better. i didn't discern any rigid syllable and meter count, which is why i say this. one more thing: "luscious" seems far too overt. another word perhaps? maybe i'm particularly biased against that word, who knows.

    all in all though, it's pleasant to read something as dashing as this. i always enjoy these heroic tales.
    | Posted on 2009-01-13 00:00:00 | by meoww | [ Reply to This ]

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