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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The sparrow's confession.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: atonement
    Elite Ratio:    2.71 - 106/186/98
    Words: 172
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 642
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1093



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe sparrow's confession.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    You called me Sparrow,
    said I always deserved to be free.
    Yet you tied a red ribbon to my ankle,
    and told me to fly.

    You would feed me fine food,
    and bathe me frequently,
    others were jealous,
    thinking I had all that and was free.

    They didn't see the red ribbon,
    you shortened over time.
    When you promised to protect me,
    I hadn't had this in mind.

    I pecked at my ribbon,
    and I found myself free.
    But you caught me,
    and grounded me with a silver ring around my neck.

    I didn't have to say 'yes',
    but the look in your eyes made
    me feel compelled that I had to.

    I did love you,
    I still do I think,
    but my natural instincts tend to fall into place.

    With some help from some friends,
    and some self realization too.
    We agreed that the truth had finally come through.
    When I was given the chance,
    I flew.








    Submitted on 2009-01-08 15:35:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      hmm.... unless this is a therapy piece. and i say that purely in sense of craft. your last to stanza's take a great deal away from the piece as a whole. it over all has wonderful imagery and clever metaphors but, the ending falters.

    i don't believe in making personal judgments based on poems like Paradox has because it takes away from the art form. i do think that the ending should be reworked in order to make this whole
    | Posted on 2009-01-13 00:00:00 | by in shadow | [ Reply to This ]
      Yeah it's decent but as Cannablisjunkie said you should have developed that other plane a bit more. We want to know a bit more about the motives behind this cause like it is, and frankly you shouldn't take offense, you sound like a spoiled brat to me. At least that man deserves an honest explanation for what happened, not this poem of yours...
    | Posted on 2009-01-12 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]
      Decent write, deffinitely keep it up. I liked thinking of the bird more than your friends and self realization though. Ha. Still enjoyed the piece.

    Thanks for sharing.
    | Posted on 2009-01-11 00:00:00 | by Cannablisjunkie | [ Reply to This ]


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