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    dots Submission Name: Diamonds and Versanaries ( Verse+Mercanaries)dots

    Author: intangible
    Elite Ratio:    0.23 - 0/1/2
    Words: 126
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 460
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 810


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    dotsDiamonds and Versanaries ( Verse+Mercanaries)dots

    forget the single
    type of whisper
    listen to the voice, mingle

    with the ringer in your ear,
    melodic with the singer in your ear,
    finger through the fear,
    bring her through the rear
    of the cafe' with diamonds
    bling into her ears
    treat her like a lady,
    never shady, always true,

    be the one cherish her
    to embelish her heart,
    take her fears she gives you,
    and tear them apart,
    be to dominator of her heart,
    the sole mercenary of of her love,
    and be the affection that she needs
    a soldier even just for her hug.

    the one i want to be..
    is never what i seem
    but my hearts always in the same spot...
    do you know what that means

    Submitted on 2009-01-09 18:38:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      First off let me say that I actually like this poem. I like how in the second part you rhyme with the next verse and in the third it skips a line. And I like the message.
    Now for the critique...There's a lot of grammatical errors which makes it hard to read and ruins the flow. In some some spots you need to add a word and in other remove and then there's punctuation. Other than that , like I said, I like it :)
    | Posted on 2009-01-11 00:00:00 | by Realitywarp87 | [ Reply to This ]

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