[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: firedots

    Author: annie smith
    ASL Info:    20/f
    Elite Ratio:    5.26 - 75/61/24
    Words: 76
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nature
    Total Views: 519
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 527


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Shining bright throught the night
    Warming the air so cold and bare
    Passionitly dancing, on logs it is prancing
    Smoke it is sending into the wind unending
    So nice and warm aside the blistering storm
    So beautiful to admire, that pretty little fire
    The flams of red, like glowing lead
    Are so myistical, even egotitical!
    Flitting, flying, fading, dying
    Dancing around till its crackeling sound
    Pops and drops
    its final tone, its dyng moan

    Submitted on 2009-01-09 21:37:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I like the way you enjoy rhyme and playing with words and their sounds.

    Firstly let's fix up those nasty spelling errors. When you publish something for scrutiny, you must carefully proofread your work first.

    Shining bright through the night;
    Warming the air so cold and bare;
    Passionately dancing, on logs it is prancing;
    Smoke it is sending into the wind unending;
    So nice and warm aside the blistering storm;
    So beautiful to admire, that pretty little fire.
    The flames of red, like glowing lead
    Are so mystical, even egotistical!
    Flitting, flying, fading, dying
    Dancing around till its crackling sound
    Pops and drops;
    its final tone, its dying moan.

    Now make sure that it makes sense. To rhyme alone is not sufficient justification for a word. For example is the air really bare? What is bare air? If at first you don't succeed, try again to find a word that both rhymes and makes sense (glare, flare etc.)
    You've probably never seen lead glowing red, because before it could glow red, it in fact melts and goes from dull grey not to red, but to bright silver.

    Now, why on earth are your flames egotistical? I hope not just to rhyme with "mystical"!!
    To reiterate, it is good that you are experimenting with rhyme, but take much more care with sense. You should be the mistress of rhyme. Use it to serve you. Do not let it lead you by the nose.
    | Posted on 2009-01-09 00:00:00 | by hanuman | [ Reply to This ]
      A charming poem, simple and pure. While appreciative of this particular element of nature, you have several grammatical errors which take away from your writing, they truly hurt the lines. An extensive vocabulary is important in most forms of poetry, and you have surely employed your here. Well done, perhaps just a few spelling mistakes and you have an overall quality piece of writing.

    | Posted on 2009-01-09 00:00:00 | by nwproud | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    Linger written by saartha
    You do, I Do written by poetotoe
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Bond written by saartha
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]