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    dots Submission Name: Silent Death - Part -4dots

    Author: keestu
    ASL Info:    32/male/Sydney
    Elite Ratio:    5.61 - 153/95/116
    Words: 1333
    Class/Type: Story/
    Total Views: 669
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 6641

       Moved by the wind, walking alone in a crowd, I do cry……

    People dream about someone and then discover them in reality. I saw a dream and then dreamt about her. Tears convey many things but the eyes say nothing…nothing at all… Yet a gaze of my dream who just passed right in front of me and there was I alive, but dead for a moment. Vague thoughts brought me back showing my purpose. A sting in the eye and a tear - god himself would have cried for it. Every single move with a smile on her face and a thousand lifetimes just whizzed past by. Millions of cells keep me alive but none told me what beauty is. For the first time in my life freedom of choice bound me to chains. As a matter of fact society has something called right choice. I just made the right one - in the wrong direction.
    Did you ask yourself why did you not express everything to your hearts content? I did that once in my life …well not so perfectly but I did. And I seem to be the chosen one to be watched with revulsion at each sight. After all, I am human, what’s wrong in greeting me with a smile on your face. Well questions remain unanswered but I chose my path. Some people never live alone, some detest being alone but some like me are meant to be. I knew that from the very beginning, yet my heart wanted to melt from the age old ice it has been in.
    Yet I wait smiling with a tear on my face for that one gaze that changed my life,
    ....One silent death.

    (Hope you enjoy this. Sadism is the main theme. Could not publish this in any Indian book publishers and also did not want to waste this piece of work so here it is my very first book that I wrote.)

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSilent Death - Part -4dots

    Slave of life....

    Enslaved by the thought to live I lived every moment every breath and every life that I lived through. Seeing all the people live their lives now was funny. People running for work and people crying for getting their pay at the end of the month, a business man trying to pay his bills when a tax official gets in his shop. All living a life that will end one day. I watched at my computer at work gazing through the words written and smiled. I am going to die even when I want to live infinitely. Why....

    Tears in blood....

    I never expected her to be with me. I was sure that she would poison me to death or something. My cries aren’t heard my thoughts never to come alive. Was it indeed something that I will not live for. Her tears her smile everything seemed drenched in blood. I was not looking at scenic beauty but now I looked at a barren field at the end of a war where blood made the sand and river red with greed and guilt. I wanted to drink the river water to drench that pain out of me. I found out what she had planned for me. It was a birthday surprise it seems but it hardly felt true that this was going to happen. I went by the side of her house to sneak in on what she was speaking with her friends. I heard her cry that time and saw her friends consoling her that everything was going to be over. What was everything....
    Was every pain in her just me. It was hell what she described to her friends about her life. I stood there behind the bush just looking at the moon and wondering should I live. The stars shone bright and it shone brighter when I closed my eyes.

    Run for life....

    I went past her in the gloomy darkness of the night. The lights shone bright for the birthday party that was to be held for me. I went into the hall and everyone shouted upon here is the birthday boy. I went pass the cries and laughter but I was deaf to everything as all became slow and only the candle lights looked as if it were the end of my life. I celebrated the reason that my time was running out. I smiled across the hall at all thanking them that I was dying soon. It was all that I could think of at the moment after hearing the thoughts of her about me. I decided and not too late to tell her the next evening that I was going to let her free and not come in her life at all.
    The fiery spree had ended to be burnt out by its own flame. No one intended to douse the flame but I enjoyed enough of the pain in life for which I had to smile upon. I told her that tomorrow was a special day for us. Us as of now was the last word that would come out my mouth to her.

    A dream that ends....

    I never knew all humans thought alike as I too saw my last dream to be running towards some white light. I was an atheist but what I saw was quite clear to my senses. I was running towards it and everything around was slow as if time had stopped over and I was the only one moving around. I could not look back even when my thought tried to in my dream. All I could see is space and the light that I walking towards. I felt relieved at the end and when I woke up I say the sun that was shining upon my eyes.

    A sense of freedom....

    I could not believe to myself that after a long time I was smiling at everyone. All told that there was something different about me that day. It was quite noticeable it seems. Sure it was nice to see a smile all around and people whom you barely know say hi to you. I walked around the office that day thing about how I was going to change her cries to smiles. That day I said all that I felt to all of the people around me. I let them know that I was happy for them and I had lived the life that I wanted to live. At the end of the day I walked out of the halls and I breathed in the fresh sand kissed air filled with rain water. My soul spoke to me that day saying its time.

    A life worth living....

    I called her up and told her to meet me as we had planned at my favorite spot. I waited there sitting on bench with a paper in my hand to remember what all I wanted to say to her for the last time. I thought she was a bit late and so I let my thoughts wander about. I thought from the day that I lived to the point where I was on that bench sitting and waiting. Every second of my life glanced pass by me. My first teacher my happy moments my cries in life, my brother whom I love and yet not tell him now because of the mistakes that I had done. I felt that he would curse me all my life but he was happy me being away rather than me being beside him. I thought about and pitied my parents who had wasted their lives thinking about me and worrying. I thought about the five women that came across my life and how much of fun I had being and playing around with them. For the least of the person that I did not want to think about is the women that I really like. My light in life that told I was not worth it and she was not wrong. It was about 9:00 pm in the night when it was an hour late from the time that we decided to meet. I called her up and found not response. On the way I stumbled across a fence that pulled my clothes as if telling not to leave. I had hit my leg badly on the fence and there was blood oozing out a bit but there were more important things to do for me. I did not know that I had fainted until my eyes opened.

    One last cry....

    I woke up went till her house again. I went to the last place where we had met. I went to all the places where we had our lives bent into. The pain of the wound was unbearable yet I walked all the way. I saw her in the park with a gun in her hand and she was about to shoot herself. I went right beside her and I just stood there. I watched her pull up the gun towards me. At last...

    Silent Death....

    She brought me back from the dead, took me in her arms like a baby, cried with every tear that I had ever in my eyes and my goddess had pulled the trigger with a smile. I tried to walk towards her with the pain but fell down. My body started feeling cold and I started shivering. Blood was all around me and she came towards my face with the same anger that sought me out. I smiled with blood flowing down my eyes. I love you... were my last words and silence was all that remained around me.

    “Words too many with a drop of a tear,
    God in itself to cry for a dew.
    Death In life with a smile on my face,
    Thousands of words to say I love you....”

    Submitted on 2009-01-10 20:08:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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