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    dots Submission Name: Your own flesh and blooddots

    Author: dthforeverpain8
    ASL Info:    17/Female/TMON
    Elite Ratio:    3.26 - 112/217/289
    Words: 261
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 630
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1609

       Just something i wrote during school one day. You dont have to understand it, or even read it. its just a few things i wanted to get off my chest. its not written in my usual form, and its really a lot to take in. But i wanted to know what people thought of it, because its written in such an odd form on an odd subject. So If you dont understand it, say so. If you hate it, thats what i want to hear. All i ask for is opinion.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsYour own flesh and blooddots

    Theres gotta be a million gay people
    In this screwed up world
    And you still wont except me
    For who I am
    But theres gotta be
    A billion homophobes
    Out there too
    And I guess if you
    Want to take their side
    Thatís up to you
    But why wont you side with me?
    Your own flesh and blood
    You just hung me out to dry
    Donít care if I cry
    And that I have to lie
    I lie to you everyday
    And every time I say
    That I love you because I donít
    I canít stand you but I wonít
    Put down this front
    The fake smiles and lies
    The midnight cries that you miss
    Taking place only in your absence
    Why do you hate something,
    That you donít even understand?
    If youíd just listen
    Iíd tell you what I am
    But you wonít
    And you donít
    You donít even care
    Iím your daughter
    Your own flesh and blood
    Not some dirty whore
    But you donít care about me
    So I guess that doesnít matter anymore
    But why? Because Iím gay?
    Does it really even matter?
    Lets not start pointing fingers
    Or my heart just might shatter
    Because I know just where youíll point
    Who you look upon with shame
    Why can you not see
    Sheís not the one to blame
    Donít you think that without her,
    Iíd probably be the same?
    Iím Gay! I have a girlfriend!
    Its not like I killed someone.
    But the way you look upon me
    Thatís what I might as well have done

    Submitted on 2009-01-11 22:47:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Whats this "form" your talking about?

    Is it an obsession with rhyme?

    Because its killing your writing,you would have been better off making a journal entry as follows:

    "Hi everybody! just want to let you guys know Im having a hard time with my parents at the moment,they find it difficult to deal with my sexuality"

    But then again,Im dont actually know if your gay at all,I dont care really.

    You spent a long time saying what i compressed into two sentences,so you should work on pacing your work,examine what your actually saying rather than trying to rhyme everything.

    "nobody loves me
    just a memory
    they cant see beyond the fascade
    see me for who I truly am
    behind this broken smile
    Im simply a child
    Cant you understand
    this wasnt what I planned
    didnt wanna make you hurt
    its not what you deserve
    so try see the real me okay?"

    I just wrote than in about a minute and a half,it sucks...

    Its all angsty and the rhyming is forced,

    but you see how easy it is?

    Maybe you should be spending more time on your poems

    Make em more original

    I have no problem with your actual content,Ive the utmost respect for a persons sexuality,but your poetry needs work.

    If theres one thing thats promising here,at least its honestly written.

    Im sure lots of
    | Posted on 2009-01-13 00:00:00 | by Raphael | [ Reply to This ]
      rough subject. but expressed in such an artful manner. like looking at a cubist painting. all the essence and brutality without flowery alliterations and metaphors.

    good write
    | Posted on 2009-01-13 00:00:00 | by in shadow | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this, simply because of the length, truthful expression of ur feelings, and how i can utterly and fully relate.
    *hugs tightly* We'll make it babe
    | Posted on 2009-01-12 00:00:00 | by Aangskate | [ Reply to This ]
      I dunno. Expecting much? Not everyone wants or is compelled to understand something like this. Be happy if it's tolerated.
    | Posted on 2009-01-12 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]

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