[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Greater than the two sumsdots

    Author: in shadow
    ASL Info:    22/F/ nightmares
    Elite Ratio:    3.58 - 581/277/103
    Words: 96
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 587
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 675


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGreater than the two sumsdots

    My parents decided to multiply
    They were imaginary numbers
    Unknown factors
    X and Y
    Mixed with other variables
    Factored in the odds
    Had me
    A bizarre prime
    I was raised
    Things and people
    Added and subtracted from my life
    Taught never to be divisible
    Taught never to settle for the mean
    Taught to count exclusively on one
    Trained to leave home
    To see the world
    To do great things
    My parents want only for me to be the whole
    Greater than the sum
    Not a mistake

    Submitted on 2009-01-12 00:50:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This is good also. I like some parts and some images. I don't like the form though. You need to have better discipline concerning the overall shape of the poem. Check this out, it's a poem of mine called mathematics2: http://www.eliteskills.com/z/40452 Just so you see how important form can be to a poem. Anyway you got something going here. I'll be keeping an eye on you.
    | Posted on 2009-01-20 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]
      HisNameIsNoNore took the thoughts I had and spit them out into a fine comment
    HM-n-n-n-n-n-n, a chip from the old block huh!
    I see you have responsible and loving parents who see that their failure to triumph in all has a blossom of hope in you to have a future in which all three of you can frolic. You made each line awesomely vivid as if creation were opening itself in revelation.
    | Posted on 2009-01-14 00:00:00 | by realpoet | [ Reply to This ]
      Interesting, I did like the flow of this poem. It had a sort of clockwork like rhythm, It seemed to play on the mind one line at a time, tick and tock, slowly it drained itself down to the point that the person is greater than that of what is expected of you, that you will ascend above it all. Through the guidence of that steady hand, you will be greater than yourself.

    I just liked the flow a lot, I think it was well crafted and a solid piece of good poetry.

    Oh and I will push you down a flight of stairs.

    :Cyber Bullying:


    Sinister Cyanide
    Big Nasty

    | Posted on 2009-01-13 00:00:00 | by HisNameIsNoMore | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Bond written by saartha
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Push written by JanePlane
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    Linger written by saartha
    To written by SavedDragon
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]