[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Smooth Linesdots

    Author: rws
    ASL Info:    57/m/ohio
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 2777/1297/258
    Words: 62
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Misc
    Total Views: 539
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 408

       ~road trippers~

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSmooth Linesdots

    Smooth Lines

    Today I bought a car
    With a shine so deep
    You could swim in it

    Slender and low
    Obeisant commando
    Potent coil of energy

    You know, each vehicle Iíve owned
    Has lines very much like
    A lady Iíve met

    I grew tired of them
    As they became too comfortable
    And they grew tired of me

    Submitted on 2009-01-13 16:19:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Then I bought a 40", widescreen plazma TV,
    It comforted me for a while,
    But then I remembered,
    That even couch potatoes have dreams,
    Providing you cook them evenly, of course.
    | Posted on 2009-02-23 00:00:00 | by alexboy | [ Reply to This ]
      I actually felt like laughing, it reminds me of a man having his midlife crisis, it's both amusing and a great read.

    I like how you used a car to describe somewhat of the past relationships the narrator has seemed to experienced. The rhyming scheme is wonderful you seem fond of a meter (from what I have read, and have yet to comment on.) I admire those who can make a poem that rhymes some what and not have it become repetitive.

    The last stanza I have to admit, is my favorite, and no, not because it ended. All in all this is a very well written poetic piece.

    | Posted on 2009-01-16 00:00:00 | by AutumnDancer | [ Reply to This ]
      nothin' like a new set o'wheels.

    'Slender and low
    Obeisant commando
    Potent coil of energy'

    i love this... kinda rolls off the tongue.

    i don't know, (my imagination at work again), i could picture someone saying these words while putting a shine on with a shammy.

    guys are weird about their vehicles. they all hate me and what i do to mine. (hehehe). car abuse, i tell ya.

    as always, i enjoy your POV.
    | Posted on 2009-01-15 00:00:00 | by isabella | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    Etiquette written by saartha
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Records I written by Raphael
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]