[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Smooth Linesdots

    Author: rws
    ASL Info:    58/m/ohio
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 2778/1297/258
    Words: 62
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Misc
    Total Views: 543
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 408

       ~road trippers~

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSmooth Linesdots

    Smooth Lines

    Today I bought a car
    With a shine so deep
    You could swim in it

    Slender and low
    Obeisant commando
    Potent coil of energy

    You know, each vehicle Iíve owned
    Has lines very much like
    A lady Iíve met

    I grew tired of them
    As they became too comfortable
    And they grew tired of me

    Submitted on 2009-01-13 16:19:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Then I bought a 40", widescreen plazma TV,
    It comforted me for a while,
    But then I remembered,
    That even couch potatoes have dreams,
    Providing you cook them evenly, of course.
    | Posted on 2009-02-23 00:00:00 | by alexboy | [ Reply to This ]
      I actually felt like laughing, it reminds me of a man having his midlife crisis, it's both amusing and a great read.

    I like how you used a car to describe somewhat of the past relationships the narrator has seemed to experienced. The rhyming scheme is wonderful you seem fond of a meter (from what I have read, and have yet to comment on.) I admire those who can make a poem that rhymes some what and not have it become repetitive.

    The last stanza I have to admit, is my favorite, and no, not because it ended. All in all this is a very well written poetic piece.

    | Posted on 2009-01-16 00:00:00 | by AutumnDancer | [ Reply to This ]
      nothin' like a new set o'wheels.

    'Slender and low
    Obeisant commando
    Potent coil of energy'

    i love this... kinda rolls off the tongue.

    i don't know, (my imagination at work again), i could picture someone saying these words while putting a shine on with a shammy.

    guys are weird about their vehicles. they all hate me and what i do to mine. (hehehe). car abuse, i tell ya.

    as always, i enjoy your POV.
    | Posted on 2009-01-15 00:00:00 | by isabella | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Fasade written by jackz
    Estranged / Shocks written by Daniel Barlow
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    written by Daniel Barlow
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    AI written by poetotoe
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Bond written by saartha
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    You do, I Do written by poetotoe
    Every..... written by jackz
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]