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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Smooth Linesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rws
    ASL Info:    57/m/ohio
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 2777/1297/258
    Words: 62
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Misc
    Total Views: 531
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 408



    Description:
       ~road trippers~


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSmooth Linesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Smooth Lines

    Today I bought a car
    With a shine so deep
    You could swim in it

    Slender and low
    Obeisant commando
    Potent coil of energy

    You know, each vehicle Iíve owned
    Has lines very much like
    A lady Iíve met

    I grew tired of them
    As they became too comfortable
    And they grew tired of me




    Submitted on 2009-01-13 16:19:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Then I bought a 40", widescreen plazma TV,
    It comforted me for a while,
    But then I remembered,
    That even couch potatoes have dreams,
    Providing you cook them evenly, of course.
    | Posted on 2009-02-23 00:00:00 | by alexboy | [ Reply to This ]
      I actually felt like laughing, it reminds me of a man having his midlife crisis, it's both amusing and a great read.

    I like how you used a car to describe somewhat of the past relationships the narrator has seemed to experienced. The rhyming scheme is wonderful you seem fond of a meter (from what I have read, and have yet to comment on.) I admire those who can make a poem that rhymes some what and not have it become repetitive.

    The last stanza I have to admit, is my favorite, and no, not because it ended. All in all this is a very well written poetic piece.

    --Autumn
    | Posted on 2009-01-16 00:00:00 | by AutumnDancer | [ Reply to This ]
      nothin' like a new set o'wheels.

    'Slender and low
    Obeisant commando
    Potent coil of energy'

    i love this... kinda rolls off the tongue.

    i don't know, (my imagination at work again), i could picture someone saying these words while putting a shine on with a shammy.

    guys are weird about their vehicles. they all hate me and what i do to mine. (hehehe). car abuse, i tell ya.

    as always, i enjoy your POV.
    | Posted on 2009-01-15 00:00:00 | by isabella | [ Reply to This ]


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    170023

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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