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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Fagsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: dismentled
    ASL Info:    26/M/"South of Heaven"
    Elite Ratio:    4.06 - 625/583/217
    Words: 268
    Class/Type: Deep Thought/Satire
    Total Views: 887
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1711



    Description:
       First, remember this is comedy. I have NOTHING again anyone; except stupid people they are littering OUR world!!! But I digress, I'm bi, so is my sister, and so is the love of my life. Please take this with a grain of salt; and a lick of lime while you're at it ;)


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFagsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    :A little boy see's a man come out of the bathroom and looks to his mother.
    :"Ew, mom he's a fag! I saw him walk into the gay bar on our way home from church."
    mother replys:"Honey, he just doesn't know better like us Christians. We let Jesus die for our sins, killed millions of people in the crusades, raped and pilveged the Indians, condoned and allowed countless children to be subject to sodemny and molestation and killed countless people we didn't like by calling them witches."
    boy:" Didn't we also get Bush elected, twice!?!"
    mother:"Yes, of course honey. Without us he'd still be sniffing cocaine of strippers ass's younger than his daughters."
    boy:"whats with them anyways. Why do they put penis's in their mouths?"-boy sticks out tounge, in a grossed out manner
    mother:" Well honey, thats just to get the taste of ass out of their mouths." mothers nods confirmingly.
    boy:" Ew, they eat butts too? thats gross."
    father walks out of bathroom as boy finishes sentence.
    "daddy!"
    boy runs and gives father a hug.
    boy:"hey daddy, it looks like you have some white drool comming out of your mouth. OMG, it was terrible we saw a fag com eout just a minute ago, and he had the hugest smile ever!"
    father replys
    "Well son the white stuff is from teaching him a lesson, and his smile is from me showing him the ways of god."
    boy smiles, looks up at his dad
    " good for you dad, I'm gonna be JUST LIKE YOU when I grow up!"






    Submitted on 2009-01-13 18:05:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      okay, so that comment I promised you now? :P

    I still don't feel like I'm as good at giving comments lately, but I'll give it a shot :)

    I liked it, it's less obviously depressing than your usual tone- or...well less MOURNFUL anyway. I love how straight forward and cynical you are, it's a good quality anyway but it makes for some great edges to writes :)

    so...the ending was perfect =], though I'd find a slightly different way to say the mothers main part [the "he doesn't know better...." etc. part]. there's nothing wrong with the points themselves, but I'm thinking maybe there's a slightly more witty, biting way to say it? it just seems like editting that up a little would work towards the overall tone you were going for. Blunt is great in it's own right though, and as YOUR write, obviously it's up to you what's best for it :P.

    overall it was great though, and like I said, different; which is always good, and hard hiting in it's own special way :) you should make a part 2, involving family life with them or something xD. obviously though, I still can't comment objectively on your work :P
    I love you :)
    <3
    | Posted on 2009-01-15 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]


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