[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Self Consciousdots

    Author: Maki
    ASL Info:    17/ female/ home
    Elite Ratio:    5.04 - 208/210/69
    Words: 601
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 543
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1836

       Its like, another about me.

    *Good Lady Light is like a spark of confidence. Some people miss that. Hope you don't.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSelf Consciousdots

    It's like a maze made for a rat,
    all twisted and confusing as that,
    All the walls close in
    and all the e n d s lead back to where you begin.
    Nothing you can do will r e t r a c e
    and send you back to your hap-happy place.

    The stairs lead p
    and all the ramps slide d
    as if gravity is selective and has a mind of its

    A lucid peace swells in your breast
    and the darkness isn't so haunting in your tightened chest.
    The confusion is even greater than the fear and
    doesn't matter as you finally stand.
    The walls stopped closinginlike the mist in a graveyard.
    However, Grave Danger is on his way in all his glorious regard.

    The Good Lady Light calls your brain,
    hoping to reanimate you again.
    She cures your ailment,
    puts you back on track from your derailment,
    and blesses you with sight.

    But when you open your eyes, you see circles of white,
    and they're from his camera capriciously flashing,
    and all you're seeing is harshly clashing,
    and briefly the fear s t o p s your ba-bump ba-bump heart
    and he pulls you d
    n by the arm
    and jerks you around
    until your mind looses track of
    w-h-i-r-l-i-n-g motions
    and everything
    s t o p s.

    Submitted on 2009-01-14 05:22:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This sounds like a model posing for takes. I notice you have words running into each other. Maybe that's meant to signify that the Model is getting tired.
    Did you make a typo error in :
    the stairs lead p Perhaps you meant:
    the stairs lead
    | Posted on 2009-01-14 00:00:00 | by realpoet | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]