Description: i asked him to give himself up to the feds. i told him i would wait for him to call me from booking. i sent my son to prison. i waited and finally went to take my shower, that was when he called. i was too slow in reaching the phone and he hung up. i am the worst mother imaginable.
Guilt (for Gnu) c. by ruejacobs 1/16/09 2 A.M. -------------------------------------------
So much depends on one step
The gait of a missed call
Hiccupping telephone bells
The way he feels alone right now
The weight of each cell I created from air
The cells that converged to make him
And his mother who tripped in the hall
The phone falling silent
The call from booking
That one last free call
And the call from mitochondria to cell
Prison or heart or brain
To converge
Converge and tell him I am here
To solidify
This is my hand holding yours, my son
These are my arms cradling you
One step and it’s gone
The silence ringing in her ears
Her heart his mind that prison cell
lurching free fall in a domino trail of regret
And so much hinged on that step.
This is very emotional. I like your style. It flows very nicely. These four lines stuck out to me the most:
"The silence ringing in her ears
Her heart his mind that prison cell
lurching free fall in a domino trail of regret
And so much hinged on that step."
Well written and powerful. I like it.
I might make this suggestion though, on the last line...it would help the flow a little bit if you said "And so much hinged on that one step"...add "one" in there for another syllable. Just a thought.
...... what i forgot to say, was ...
that i think the mitochondrion / matrilineality lineage idea is really clever in this poem..... for
not only do you present
the vivid image of, the truly anxious loving mother reaching out
to her own flesh,
but
it is
so much more than that.
you didn't labour the point,
but for those that like to
dig around a bit
we have the
brilliant link:
since,
through the mitochondrial DNA, the matriline line of descent passes from the mother to her descendants of either sex....
in this case, your boy. i think in the USA, the scientists refer to it as the 'uterine' descent, which would make it even more profound (in my opinion at least!) and its this clever link, that makes this an even greater heart breaking mother's call. ... its that gut wrenching feral instinct that mothers have to protect their young.
i hope things continue to go well for you and your children. one thing for sure is that their mother is pretty special. but i am sure that they actually know this already.
I am sure you are not a bad mother. In fact, I would think it would take a good mother to be able to advise their child as you did. You missed his call? Sure, it sucks, but he'll forgive you, and you're allowed a mistake. It's humanly impossible to be everywhere at once, and it's silly to expect yourself to be!
Anyway, this poem is ... very emotional. Maybe just because you say why you wrote it, but, still, emotional. Furthermore, you really took an out there subject and made it work as a poem. Not many people could write such a simple, short poem about a phonecall and have it still be utterly amazing. :)
The only part I really don't get is the part about the mitochondria, but, that's probably just me. And it works in there quite well. I just don't ...get...it, I guess.
Submission Name: Guilt (for Gnu) c. by ruejacobs 1/16/09 2 A.M.
