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    dots Submission Name: Temptations of Helldots

    Author: gothicgirl
    ASL Info:    23/f/recreant world
    Elite Ratio:    3.49 - 127/111/48
    Words: 130
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 716
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 783

       I actually wrote this for a school assignment in poetry and won first place in the contest it was placed in. i really want to add more because reading it now it doesn't make as much since as i had thought and i think i could make it better!!

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTemptations of Helldots

    I'm walking the road of silence, descending into hell
    My own hands stitching my lips shut making it impossible to tell
    Too ashamed of what i hide buried in my eyes
    an antidote for suicide, shall my soul forever rest in lies.

    Rest in peace is a dream to good to be true
    instead i am doomed to my contempt, just like you
    Mothered by perversion
    Fathered by diversion
    Another drag of this cigarette may lead to defects
    Tell me god what trauma lies broken in the road
    What could you possible have for me next?

    Can't be a fate worse then shame
    for i stand before you naked without a name
    just a non existent human shell
    Living in reality between heaven and hell.

    Submitted on 2009-01-22 23:14:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      very prolific , streaming with beauty.
    i love the imagery and the wordplay

    it holds you in the grips of madness
    not willing to let go.
    very dark with passion
    and yet not over the top
    amazing write ...

    | Posted on 2011-07-30 00:00:00 | by Bloodstone | [ Reply to This ]
      This needs attention to structure, meter, and rhyme, but it is a very soulful and stirring write. It has lots of promise, and shows talent for writing on your part. I can see this being made into a really first class poem with just a little more effort.

    It's easy to see why it won a first place in the class writing contest. Nice work, pretty lady!

    | Posted on 2009-01-23 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]

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    January 10 07
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