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    dots Submission Name: The Sky is in the Waterdots

    Author: PiperH
    ASL Info:    17, F, Georgia
    Elite Ratio:    3.89 - 253/299/172
    Words: 80
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 805
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 477

       I was looking at my reflection in the water the other day and this is what I came up with. Its about my mom.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Sky is in the Waterdots

    I am afraid, of the water, of not knowing
    Of remembering the pain
    Remembering the rain
    And how the drops kept on coming
    Of drowning and screaming
    Of missing a step and sinking
    Watching all my dreams
    Go underwater
    I was a child, I was her daughter
    I see my face, my eyes
    And all around me, the beautiful sky
    I was a girl, I was her daughter
    She’s in the sky, and the sky is in the water

    Submitted on 2009-01-25 22:09:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I love the last line. It realy is a wonderful clincher of a liner. The only advise I can give for this one would be to look over your rhyme scheme and smooth it out. As it is now, it goes: a,b,b,a,a,a,a,c,c,d,d,c,c which is a bit confusing to the reader trying to make sense of it. All in all, very nice, keep pushing it. And again, I love that last line.
    | Posted on 2009-01-26 00:00:00 | by I_Bleed_Ink | [ Reply to This ]

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