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The Sky is in the Water

Author: PiperH
ASL Info:    17, F, Georgia
Elite Ratio:    3.89 - 253 /299 /172
Words: 80
Class/Type: Poetry /Longing
Total Views: 870
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 479


I was looking at my reflection in the water the other day and this is what I came up with. Its about my mom.

The Sky is in the Water

I am afraid, of the water, of not knowing
Of remembering the pain
Remembering the rain
And how the drops kept on coming
Of drowning and screaming
Of missing a step and sinking
Watching all my dreams
Go underwater
I was a child, I was her daughter
I see my face, my eyes
And all around me, the beautiful sky
I was a girl, I was her daughter
She’s in the sky, and the sky is in the water

Submitted on 2009-01-25 22:09:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  I love the last line. It realy is a wonderful clincher of a liner. The only advise I can give for this one would be to look over your rhyme scheme and smooth it out. As it is now, it goes: a,b,b,a,a,a,a,c,c,d,d,c,c which is a bit confusing to the reader trying to make sense of it. All in all, very nice, keep pushing it. And again, I love that last line.
| Posted on 2009-01-26 00:00:00 | by I_Bleed_Ink | [ Reply to This ]

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