The Sky is in the Water

Author: PiperH ASL Info:    17, F, Georgia Elite Ratio:    3.89 - 253 /299 /172 Words: 80

Class/Type: Poetry /Longing Total Views: 844 Average Vote:    No vote yet. Bytes: 479

Description:

---

The Sky is in the Water

---

I am afraid, of the water, of not knowing Of remembering the pain Remembering the rain And how the drops kept on coming Of drowning and screaming Of missing a step and sinking Watching all my dreams Go underwater I was a child, I was her daughter I see my face, my eyes And all around me, the beautiful sky I was a girl, I was her daughter She’s in the sky, and the sky is in the water

Submitted on 2009-01-25 22:09:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_< 2: I dunno... 3: meh! 4: Pretty cool 5: Wow!

Comments

I love the last line. It realy is a wonderful clincher of a liner. The only advise I can give for this one would be to look over your rhyme scheme and smooth it out. As it is now, it goes: a,b,b,a,a,a,a,c,c,d,d,c,c which is a bit confusing to the reader trying to make sense of it. All in all, very nice, keep pushing it. And again, I love that last line.

| Posted on 2009-01-26 00:00:00 | by I_Bleed_Ink | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest. 2. Try not to give only compliments. 3. How did it make you feel? 4. Why did it make you feel that way? 5. Which parts? 6. What distracted from the piece?

7. What was unclear? 8. What does it remind you of? 9. How could it be improved? 10. What would you have done differently? 11. What was your interpretation of it? 12. Does it feel original?

170480