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Whispers in the night are drifting In and out of sleeping ears; Hands of ivory now are sifting Through the sands of fears. Fingers find amongst the grains A lone and perfect pearl; Thoughts spin and heart strains As imprisoned hopes unfurl. I’ve waited long for this wonder Reflected in timorous eye; Now home only to gentle thunder For at last the clouds are dry. But tears – O! High the number! Many hath my pillow seen; ‘Fore my pearl sent grief to lumber Up the path to the guillotine! |
Yeah, liked this. Not every day you read a poem like this on here! The only criticism I have is with the flow. Several lines were a bit out. The 1st one to slip up is "Through the sands of fears". You need another word to make this line scan. e.g. : "Through the sands of thoughts and fears". The next one would be "Thoughts spin and heart strains". I would say you need 3 syllables between "and" and "strains" to make this line work. There are also a few other lines out of sync. The only other thing I would say is that I think it would work better if the poem was arranged in four line stanzas, as I feel there is a natural gap after each four lines in the work. Meter aside, I think this was good. I liked the content and my fav line would have 2 be "For at last the clouds are dry". | Posted on 2009-01-26 00:00:00 | by alexboy | [ Reply to This ] | |