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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: a rebuttal to my fatherdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: siroez
    ASL Info:    27/Male/WV
    Elite Ratio:    5.23 - 101/87/44
    Words: 171
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1063
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1058



    Description:
       This poem is a apology to my father and gos with my other poem entitled "to my father"

    I've grown a lot since those days that I said such harsh words, Through everything I can never say my father abandoned me.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsa rebuttal to my fatherdots
    -------------------------------------------


    a rebuttal to my father

    before and at once I have said
    words which are not quietly true
    I let them outside from my head
    without thinking fondness of you.

    I have grown and matured much
    since the day I spoke those words
    lost you lost myself lost your touch
    and you as whole or in three thirds

    here on the inside i find you
    expressed held deeply in my heart.
    it comes from not what we do
    but how we choose to impart.

    you've taught me well in my youth
    as you could have done no better
    growing older I realize its truth
    from the statement in this letter.

    its you who deserve my apology
    you were the one who protected me
    I clenched onto you like a child
    when "they" came through to disagree

    such for your strength I thank you
    I could be supported no way better
    but by your love and what you do
    thank you father for your helpful hands




    Submitted on 2009-01-26 18:37:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      "Rebuttal" might be the wrong word. But "Apology" might not be the right word. Try looking up Re... in a dictionary.

    "I let them outside from my head
    without thinking fondness of you" - This is my favourite bit of the poem, for grammatical reasons! Because it is unusual, like a direct translation from another language. However, it is not incorrect for English. Just ... original!

    | Posted on 2009-06-03 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. Honestly, you have no idea how close this hits to home. I may be only 16 and a sophomore in high school, but already I have experienced this emotion of regret towards words I have said toward my father out of anger. In my freshman year, and even back to the beginning of 8th grade, I was convinced I hated my father and everything he was as not only a father, but as a husband too. It wasn't until the summer before this school year that I really began to realize how fortunate I was to not only have a father in my life, but a loving one at that. I was so naive and so typical teenager that I almost destroyed our relationship, but now I see how stupid I was and I've apologized to him many a time and have tried to show him love every day.

    My point is, this poem is filled with compassion and love and I can feel it seeping through every word. I really enjoyed this poem because it pulled on my heart strings and it really made me think. I hope the best for you my brother, and I will continue to read your work.
    | Posted on 2009-02-10 00:00:00 | by FlickerofHope | [ Reply to This ]
      I look long and hard on this site to find poems worthy of comment. Yours is such a one. This is not one of the countless "I am in love and it hurts" type poems that every smitten swain feels the world just has to know. This is a genuine love poem. Well done. The sentiments are fine and you have tried to fit them to a metric mould. mostly you have succeeded, but there is room for a tweak or two. For example I feel that the lines:
    it comes from not what we do
    but how we choose to impart.
    are somewhat rhyme driven. You needed a rhyme for "heart" and so came up with impart, but as your previous subject was "you", it is not at all clear what "it" refers to. If you call the first rhyme word "rhyme" and the second rhyme word "partner", follow the motto:
    If you can't find a partner for your rhyme,
    Change the first rhyme every time.

    In a similar way the reference to this poem as a "letter" sounds contrived to fit with "better".

    What happened to your rhyme scheme in the last verse. You can fix it easily. Don't change "hands"(the partner); change the first rhyme "better". We've heard too much of that one already.

    So you could finish up with something like:

    So for your strength I thank you
    as I warmly supported stand,
    by your love and by your actions.
    Thank you father for your hand.
    | Posted on 2009-01-27 00:00:00 | by hanuman | [ Reply to This ]


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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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