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    dots Submission Name: Ever-ending echoes...dots

    Author: Ceyx
    Elite Ratio:    5.69 - 111/107/81
    Words: 179
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 718
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1731


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    dotsEver-ending echoes...dots


    Diluted, dissolved... I fear I'm
    -Not a weakness to distillation or saline
    ...I love you MORE than salt.
    -You break glass and it
    I'm not broken.
    I did fall, though
    And then I simply dissipated
    -Not frayed,
    or come unstitched, like a fabric
    There is not a "quick-fix" with glue or thread
    It's a mess
    There's nothing left.
    Not washed away (that implies a cleanness)
    -rather; un-existed.
    Neither missed nor mourned
    Neither documented or remembered
    -Nothing left to be forgotten
    Or forgiven
          Let-alone looked upon fondly...
    What are these words, then?
    A now murdered echo resounding?
    -No source left but the resonation continues.
    ...a star-source; a dead sun
       ...the tree falling alone in the forest
          ...one hand clapping......
    ...what does it (do I) even matter?
    I was.
    I became rhetorical.
    I was no longer.
    (...I was not)
    So then; what remains to ponder?
    Echoes end eventually
    ...please, please tell me that echoes end eventually......

    Submitted on 2009-01-26 22:30:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      dissolved. the silences is terrifying. the non-existance. oh darling how unadulterated, how gritty, how *shudder* isolated. <3

    <3 Lillian
    | Posted on 2011-12-15 00:00:00 | by in shadow | [ Reply to This ]
      I loved it, hands down. there is nothing more interesting that pain and confusion, and reeks and seethes both.
    | Posted on 2009-01-28 00:00:00 | by Vampiric Death | [ Reply to This ]
      i dont no y but this poem reminds me of Samuel Becket... Have you ever seen any of his plays acted out on film... well most of them are very dark and very mysterious. And i kinda see this as one of his.... but with your style. The two on the top of my head that this sorta reminds me of are What Where, and Play. There so good i love them... if you have the time look them up on youtube, they're there.

    | Posted on 2009-01-27 00:00:00 | by WhY-dO-yOu-CrY | [ Reply to This ]
    Echoes end eventually.

    (Before I get into what I liked about this piece) as far as suggestions go, I wonder if you can play around a bit more with the format . . . but I think it can only go so far because doing that might make the subtle inflections, sonics, and placement of imagery too overt or obvious, maybe even make this poem more lively than what was intended (because the tone here is definitely depressing). I just think that beyond the punctuation and indentation of certain lines, something else could be done, but I leave that to you. Again, don't go overboard.

    Normally I urge people to focus more on imagery in their writes, and not so much on abstractions or feelings that could be expressed more resonantly through imagery, you know? But the absence of imagery in this part was so fitting:

    Neither missed nor mourned
    Neither documented or remembered
    -Nothing left to be forgotten
    Or forgiven
    Let-alone looked upon fondly...

    And the transition from being neither missed nor mourned, documented nor remembered (right now you have it as 'or' but I think 'nor' would keep the consistency); unmade; well all of it reads like it's well-suited of course, and the re-emergence of the imagery in this section is a very nice transition, is what I'm trying to say:

    What are these words, then?
    A now murdered echo resounding?
    -No source left but the resonation continues.
    ...a star-source; a dead sun
    ...the tree falling alone in the forest
    ...one hand clapping......

    Nothing else to say that's constructive . . . other than to reiterate some slight formatting changes (that's personal preference and your choice) and maybe change that 'or' to 'nor.'

    Nicely done. As far as the content goes: Words do matter, to some of us at least. But I know how devastating, all encompassing, and debilitating these thoughts can be. You just gotta rise. :)

    | Posted on 2009-01-26 00:00:00 | by O | [ Reply to This ]

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