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    dots Submission Name: The Affair of Silent Lovedots

    Author: KeeperOfLight
    ASL Info:    23, Vancouver BC
    Elite Ratio:    2.55 - 41/64/76
    Words: 253
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 620
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 836

       here is a sonnet i did for creative writing in film and video class... Italian rhyme scheme from what the teachers said...
    the ten syllables were a bitch. lol

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Affair of Silent Lovedots

    Here with the soft sands loving forever,
    under the skylight of the sun dyed rust,
    our moist skin endlessly touching of lust.
    Midnight blue is our only endeavor.
    Deceiving affairs of silent lovers,
    encircling us, we're breaching of trust,
    door thrusts open with a sound of disgust,
    turn coat lovers caught under bed covers.
    Screams of misconduct fall from three heavens,
    upon thy ears of young on the high tread.
    Strolling together below the skylight,
    new lovers take each ones hands at eleven,
    never mentioning what they droppèd dead.
    Midnight blues no longer a rusting light.

    Submitted on 2009-01-27 00:53:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      You're blunt with language (screams of misconduct...) and very descriptive. I like how when you mention "midnight blue is our only endeavor", you say that the night is your only escape at your attempts of love and then add a bit of a twist as the two lovers get caught under the sheets. I think for a Petrarchan Sonnet (or Italian) you mastered the goal well. I see the distinguished pattern in the octave, typical abbaabba rhyme scheme and then the remaining six lines, the sestet i see you have chosen to use cdecde rhyme scheme, which i find to be more difficult than the cdcdcd rhyme scheme 'cause you use less words, but you did it, im impressed. well done.
    ~Sharon M.
    | Posted on 2009-01-28 00:00:00 | by SavedDragon | [ Reply to This ]

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