Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Affair of Silent Lovedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: KeeperOfLight
    ASL Info:    23, Vancouver BC
    Elite Ratio:    2.54 - 40/64/74
    Words: 253
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 611
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 836



    Description:
       here is a sonnet i did for creative writing in film and video class... Italian rhyme scheme from what the teachers said...
    the ten syllables were a bitch. lol


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Affair of Silent Lovedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Here with the soft sands loving forever,
    under the skylight of the sun dyed rust,
    our moist skin endlessly touching of lust.
    Midnight blue is our only endeavor.
    Deceiving affairs of silent lovers,
    encircling us, we're breaching of trust,
    door thrusts open with a sound of disgust,
    turn coat lovers caught under bed covers.
    Screams of misconduct fall from three heavens,
    upon thy ears of young on the high tread.
    Strolling together below the skylight,
    new lovers take each ones hands at eleven,
    never mentioning what they droppèd dead.
    Midnight blues no longer a rusting light.




    Submitted on 2009-01-27 00:53:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      You're blunt with language (screams of misconduct...) and very descriptive. I like how when you mention "midnight blue is our only endeavor", you say that the night is your only escape at your attempts of love and then add a bit of a twist as the two lovers get caught under the sheets. I think for a Petrarchan Sonnet (or Italian) you mastered the goal well. I see the distinguished pattern in the octave, typical abbaabba rhyme scheme and then the remaining six lines, the sestet i see you have chosen to use cdecde rhyme scheme, which i find to be more difficult than the cdcdcd rhyme scheme 'cause you use less words, but you did it, im impressed. well done.
    ~Sharon M.
    | Posted on 2009-01-28 00:00:00 | by SavedDragon | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    170528

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    untitled written by Outlaw
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    The World written by jjd
    Dream written by closetpoet
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Live In Between written by teika5
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    In a Corner written by jeniecel

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry