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    dots Submission Name: What about those days?dots

    Author: Rainmaker
    ASL Info:    23 / M / Finland
    Elite Ratio:    4.84 - 45/50/19
    Words: 73
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 534
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 472

       Not sure if i want to leave it like that... perhaps i should continue it a little bit ? What do You think?

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhat about those days?dots

    Am I dreaming?
    What I'm feeling
    But I can't breath in
    When I'm looking
    In your eyes

    You look me with those gypsy eyes
    Ever changing from brown to green
    And snow is falling, all along these days
    But I'm not feeling cold when i watch you
    And hear your laughter

    Now I'm dreaming, you in my arms
    How I wish to hold you, kiss you
    Just to be with you...

    Submitted on 2009-01-27 05:03:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I agree with the below comment. The length fits. Short and sweet.

    I liked how you used 'breath in'-- a subtle rhyme. Clever.

    I like it overall. It's just got that OOMPH to it, you know? Sweet, sincere, involved. It's nice. Green to brown? Nice imagery too. Excellent. A plus. :)

    | Posted on 2009-01-27 00:00:00 | by SweetAndOhSoME | [ Reply to This ]
      I think the length fits the mood of the poem, because sometimes its hard to find the words to describe something or someone that is, in effect, indescribable.

    Short, but to the point in my opinion.

    | Posted on 2009-01-27 00:00:00 | by MusingMinstrel | [ Reply to This ]

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