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    dots Submission Name: I Will Loose...dots

    Author: PiperH
    ASL Info:    17, F, Georgia
    Elite Ratio:    3.89 - 253/299/172
    Words: 94
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 923
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 606


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI Will Loose...dots

    Another step, and I stumble
    Another scream and I crumble
    Another drink, and you mumble
    Something that doesn’t make sense

    Have I lived only to die here
    Have I cried only to know fear
    Have you lost all control here
    As my hands lift in defense

    You hit me with your anger
    You pushed me into danger
    you surprised me with a stranger
    At my personal expense

    Another life is what I need
    Another hit, and I will bleed
    Another fist and I will plead
    I’m a future progressive tense…

    Submitted on 2009-02-02 02:59:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
    I liked your piece it's neat and well-accomplished. I often read poems that include a certain rhyme scheme and most of them contain a sort of strain, forced like-rhyme but I did not see that here in fact I reckon that this aforementioned element intensifies the message you are trying to get across and at the same time gives it an ironic quality that was altogether delightful.

    As to the content, and from were I'm standing, in the first and second stanza one can perceive some sort of brutal mayhem that may be triggered by an alleged
    relationship with someone, I might be wrong though ....
    There's obviously a smattering of bewilderment interspersed with betrayal, as one read further.

    As I formerly mentioned, I enjoyed this and I happen to think that your style is quite riveting, for that matter.



    | Posted on 2009-02-02 00:00:00 | by Ethan Brody | [ Reply to This ]

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