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    dots Submission Name: What Happens In the Winterdots

    Author: liquid
    Elite Ratio:    4.78 - 35/48/13
    Words: 184
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 793
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1202


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhat Happens In the Winterdots

    February now
    and the snow comes down
    like white petals,
    apple blossoms.

    I am the caterpillar wrapped in silk
    melting into what I will become.

    I envy those who cry in ink,
    who can spit and bleed and vomit their way
    into poetry.
    I envy the dancers who are their own instrument.

    No butterfly, I.
    But to drift out above all your heads
    or to sink into the soil
    or to grow into a tree, yes, I think
    a tree, that perfect bridge
    of sky and earth.

    Symmetry at every level, the branches splitting, the roots dividing, the lines of the bark, the leavesí tiny veins, forked, green thoughts, gentle dreams

    My motherís hands, strong thin limbs and twigs
    My fatherís eyes, all green and flurried and turned
    towards sunlight
    My dreams,
    carried on the wind thrust into the earth hardened into the fruit-the flower-the seedÖ

    To the ones who know how to listen
    the forest is full of quiet conversation
    and just occasionally,
    all the trees, all at once
    burst into song.

    Submitted on 2009-02-02 21:49:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      ...oh, and I like the "will" standing out...it forces the last line to "burst" as the song...

    | Posted on 2009-02-03 00:00:00 | by KimmyMim | [ Reply to This ]
      Beautifully written...I read each line with smiling anticipation...then this...

    "To the ones who know how to listen
    the forest is full of quiet conversation
    and just occasionally,
    all the trees, all at once
    burst into song."

    Sadly...those who are caught up in the rat-race of life will miss out on this simple truth.

    A truly inspiring read...a lovely family tree.

    | Posted on 2009-02-03 00:00:00 | by KimmyMim | [ Reply to This ]
      This happens very often to writers, we start and then the poem emerges halfway down the page. I think yours really begins once you come to the tree. Or become the tree, I should say. I would suggest cut out the the butterfly line and everything above it.

    The line about your 'father's eyes' is wonderful. The phrasing is superb. The only other suggestion I could give would be to rework the lines in the last stanza. 'Will' hanging out by itself is a bit distracting. Other than that, great work!
    | Posted on 2009-02-03 00:00:00 | by I_Bleed_Ink | [ Reply to This ]
      'My fatherís eyes, all green and flurried and turned'

    That--that is one of the most beautiful images I have read for months.

    Someone once described my poetry as a wind, 'as if you need to be there and the machinery of your nature forbids you from being otherwise.'

    I think that is the difference between us. I cannot help being this, and you cannot help being this, and we cannot help ourselves in entirely different ways that are somehow still connected.

    If I'm a wind, you certainly are a tree: flowingly sturdy, far-reaching, gentle endurance and softly obstinate in the way of all oxygen-emitting things.

    And those bleeding creatures, oh, those poor beasts. They do not know what it is to be long-lived.

    (ramble ramble ramble: I liked this a great deal.)
    | Posted on 2009-02-03 00:00:00 | by saartha | [ Reply to This ]
      Magical, breath-taking, oh so green! I LOVE the choice selection of metaphors in this, and that ending.... my heart burst along with them. I'm soooooooo jealous I can't write like this!
    | Posted on 2009-02-03 00:00:00 | by SmokinG | [ Reply to This ]
      I think that this was really beautiful. The imagery involved were really profound. I think my appreciation comes also from the fact that I've been staring outside for most of the day. I loved the metaphors used and how you made nature really come to life through this piece. No criticisms, just pure appreciation
    | Posted on 2009-02-03 00:00:00 | by jaramae | [ Reply to This ]

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