[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Lost Soulsdots

    Author: freak_like_me
    ASL Info:    20/female/Ireland
    Elite Ratio:    4.81 - 120/118/49
    Words: 154
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 835
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1005

       Brother who passed away. I came up with this one day when i was getting the town bus home. You know the way you get those days where you realise something else new about something? kinda like that

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLost Soulsdots

    They always tell you it’ll be alright
    “Because your brother is looking down on you, from the sky, watching over you…”
    When you’re 7
    They tell you these fairytales
    So reality tastes a little more sweet
    A bit like a candy stick…

    Then you turn 20 years
    And as you step onto the
    Town bus home, late on a
    Cold, rainy Decembers evening
    You look out the window
    At what is ‘Gods’ beautiful creation

    Just to realise that there is no angel watching over you
    And your brother isn’t in the sky
    Looking down on you

    It is merely just an act of
    Hope and Kindness
    To tell this to a child
    Really just for,
    Comforting purposes

    On this dark, rainy day
    At years 20,
    You have just began to realise

    His presence is now dead to the world
    And always will be

    Submitted on 2009-02-05 13:29:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Well we never actually met so Hi!
    I really find your writing “Lost Soul” fascinating – really! My poem “Lady of the Night” was submitted just a few minutes ago and from there found yours.
    I totally agree with the theme you apply. The life and soul of a Lost Soul is very accurately described and very well transacted. When I turned 20, that was 53 years ago, I had the self same experience only I was still 19+. And that experience haunted me day and night for 7 years without let-up.
    As time roller coasted past at an alarming speed - light years it seems – I slowly became wise to the fact that my beloved God was nowhere to be found! My Angel departed in a hurry when I geared up with the Occult and such! 1958 that was to date! Eventually I came wiser still and I know that my God of Israel departed from us in the Garden of Eden episode and is still missing today. But He left me with a promise to return One Day and gave His Son Christ as token. Not until the Last Day of Judgement will there actually be a Lost Soul around to lament – believe u me. That is not forthcoming in a hurry. Until then, God will never be found in this Universe nor Christ but His Higher Spirit only.
    Your poem is accurate up to that Time in Space. So give yourself a break end enjoy Life as it comes to u. Regards Jm.
    | Posted on 2009-02-05 00:00:00 | by Joachim | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmm... kinda un-critiqueable considering the subject matter,the writings not as good as it could be,but at least its very honest.

    I think youve summed your feelings adequately,but if you want writing advice I would say look for something more,try to say how you feel in a different way,then try again.

    Metaphors can be very helpfull in conveying a feeling if you put some thought into them.

    You probably dont wanna mince your words I suppose,

    But yeah,whatever.

    Good luck

    | Posted on 2009-02-05 00:00:00 | by Raphael | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]