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In another life we would smile at the other's sight
We would spend most of our days with each other
And would think of the other each moment we weren't
Never desire to have another lover
In another life we would laugh and cry together
We would share all of life's little perks
Things would all fall into place
So we'd not have to try and make it work
In another life we would talk for hours
Never with much to say
And when one left even for a minute
I'd call you right away
In another life we'd have endless romance
We'd watch the stars and the rising sun
The whole time us hand in hand
Our love would never be done
In another life I wouldn't have these dreams
They'd all be real and always right
We'd never leave the other in despair
We would stand always at their side
In another life we would be happy...
In another life.
| ah but when I do feel this way it is simply knowing you don't...|
nicely put btb
|| Posted on 2009-03-01 00:00:00 | by Morsketch | [ Reply to This ] || I disagree with I_Bleed_Ink. Well, well unless he/she has no imagination. Cause your writing is very vivid. Might look a bit idealistic, yet I believe anyone can relate to it. |
Very simple, yet elegant use of understatements and allusions.
Two thumbs up.
|| Posted on 2009-02-07 00:00:00 | by Nightraven | [ Reply to This ] || "We would most of our" I think you need a verb between 'would' and 'most'.|
"And when one left even for a minute" The 'one' you're refering to here is unclear. When what/who left?
I like the use of the phrase "In another life." This is certainly a 'what if' type of poem. I guess all I can really suggest is try to clarify a bit more, dig deep and make those images real to the reader. Keep pushing it.
|| Posted on 2009-02-06 00:00:00 | by I_Bleed_Ink | [ Reply to This ] |