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In another life we would smile at the other's sight We would spend most of our days with each other And would think of the other each moment we weren't Never desire to have another lover In another life we would laugh and cry together We would share all of life's little perks Things would all fall into place So we'd not have to try and make it work In another life we would talk for hours Never with much to say And when one left even for a minute I'd call you right away In another life we'd have endless romance We'd watch the stars and the rising sun The whole time us hand in hand Our love would never be done In another life I wouldn't have these dreams They'd all be real and always right We'd never leave the other in despair We would stand always at their side In another life we would be happy... In another life. |
ah but when I do feel this way it is simply knowing you don't... nicely put btb | Posted on 2009-03-01 00:00:00 | by Morsketch | [ Reply to This ] | I disagree with I_Bleed_Ink. Well, well unless he/she has no imagination. Cause your writing is very vivid. Might look a bit idealistic, yet I believe anyone can relate to it. | Very simple, yet elegant use of understatements and allusions. Two thumbs up. | Posted on 2009-02-07 00:00:00 | by Nightraven | [ Reply to This ] | "We would most of our" I think you need a verb between 'would' and 'most'. | "And when one left even for a minute" The 'one' you're refering to here is unclear. When what/who left? I like the use of the phrase "In another life." This is certainly a 'what if' type of poem. I guess all I can really suggest is try to clarify a bit more, dig deep and make those images real to the reader. Keep pushing it. | Posted on 2009-02-06 00:00:00 | by I_Bleed_Ink | [ Reply to This ] | |