Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: In Another Lifedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: BlazeFlamme
    ASL Info:    22/m/TX
    Elite Ratio:    1.81 - 23/160/138
    Words: 168
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 713
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1069



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIn Another Lifedots
    -------------------------------------------


    In another life we would smile at the other's sight
    We would spend most of our days with each other
    And would think of the other each moment we weren't
    Never desire to have another lover

    In another life we would laugh and cry together
    We would share all of life's little perks
    Things would all fall into place
    So we'd not have to try and make it work

    In another life we would talk for hours
    Never with much to say
    And when one left even for a minute
    I'd call you right away

    In another life we'd have endless romance
    We'd watch the stars and the rising sun
    The whole time us hand in hand
    Our love would never be done

    In another life I wouldn't have these dreams
    They'd all be real and always right
    We'd never leave the other in despair
    We would stand always at their side

    In another life we would be happy...

    In another life.




    Submitted on 2009-02-06 14:54:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      ah but when I do feel this way it is simply knowing you don't...

    nicely put btb
    | Posted on 2009-03-01 00:00:00 | by Morsketch | [ Reply to This ]
      I disagree with I_Bleed_Ink. Well, well unless he/she has no imagination. Cause your writing is very vivid. Might look a bit idealistic, yet I believe anyone can relate to it.

    Very simple, yet elegant use of understatements and allusions.

    Two thumbs up.
    | Posted on 2009-02-07 00:00:00 | by Nightraven | [ Reply to This ]
      "We would most of our" I think you need a verb between 'would' and 'most'.

    "And when one left even for a minute" The 'one' you're refering to here is unclear. When what/who left?

    I like the use of the phrase "In another life." This is certainly a 'what if' type of poem. I guess all I can really suggest is try to clarify a bit more, dig deep and make those images real to the reader. Keep pushing it.
    | Posted on 2009-02-06 00:00:00 | by I_Bleed_Ink | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    170863

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Linger written by saartha
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    untitled written by Chelebel
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    To written by SavedDragon
    Incubus written by monad
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Bond written by saartha
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry