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    dots Submission Name: From Dawn till Duskdots

    Author: Aangskate
    ASL Info:    18/male
    Elite Ratio:    3.32 - 133/117/44
    Words: 92
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nature
    Total Views: 766
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 729

       A poem that I had fun with, though afterwords I noticed by repeated use of something-"faced". Im trying to get out of my comfort zone of my familiar style of poems. Any thoughts would be great!

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    dotsFrom Dawn till Duskdots

    Long afternoons spent in the rose garden,
    Early mornings feeding the hens.
    Shouting, red-faced landladies,
    Plump waists and dresses with daisies.
    Blonde, curly-headed young masters,
    Play in the rain with dainty little lasses.
    Unending hills of lush grass.
    Dirty-faced maids taking out the trash.
    Young artists under rainbows,
    Holding skinny paintbrushes.
    Bearded, sullen-faced professors,
    Wearing their owl-like spectacles.
    A heavy fog hanging over the mountains
    A wistful young writer, lost in her poems.
    Thick muscled, silky-maned mares,
    Wind in my hair, leaping fences.
    Late nights laying under the moon.

    Submitted on 2009-02-06 20:19:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I really enjoyed the imagery. (The beginning reminded me vaguely of a scene from 1984.) I think breaking up the spacing a little, maybe even separating it into separate verses, might make it flow more smoothly.
    | Posted on 2009-02-08 00:00:00 | by Pax Parvani | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm not to sure what this poem was about, although I liked it alot. I could see the things that you were discibing particularly the lines:
    "A wistful young writer, lost in her poems.
    Thick muscled, silky-maned mares,
    Wind in my hair, leaping fences."
    It reminded me of what I often do come spring and summer...athough I no longer have a mare.
    Oh...I think that "maned" should be "manned," common mistake, I do it all the time, lol.
    | Posted on 2009-02-07 00:00:00 | by Coripa | [ Reply to This ]

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    January 10 07
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