Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Sunset Swing Set


Author: PiperH
ASL Info:    17, F, Georgia
Elite Ratio:    3.89 - 253 /299 /172
Words: 59
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1319
Average Vote:    3.5000
Bytes: 407



Description:




Sunset Swing Set



The earth, is still
My body swings
My mind wonders
About many things

The wind, is cold
My body flies
My mind ponders
The little lies

The sun, is setting
My body tires
My mind sinks
In the orange fire

The earth, is still
My body stops
My mind wonders
As the sun does drop




Submitted on 2009-02-07 21:29:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  It is a little cutesy for my taste, but you strip that way and I really do think you have a damn good foundation to build something truly great on this piece.
| Posted on 2009-02-07 00:00:00 | by nicodemous | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



170901