Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: In a Shelldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 119
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 637
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 718



    Description:
       Experimental.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIn a Shelldots
    -------------------------------------------


    footsteps on concrete, marble, limestone and sand
    bare feet on wood
    with the wind coming in
    and the window
    open
    the trees exist
    ahead
    of a hill

    The walls connected to the floor have all been painted

    The new colors are echoes and instincts of the book you read last life

    It is a bold thing to say

    a hound hides in the bushes at night

    You,
    play with him

    He plays with me


    The curve and the arch of the foot
    stand above horizons. all the,
    time,
    surrounded by
    the round and orange brightness of your half moon smile




    Submitted on 2009-02-08 00:27:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      "It is a bold thing to say"

    this is very bold in execution yet not overly done to me in any way; you strike a blissful balance between imagery, observation, and letting this painting speak for itself.

    "The new colors are echoes and instincts of the book you read last life"

    this is wonderful writing right here. something about this causes me to stop and rethink this phrase over and over again.

    i do wonder if you really need "all the time" in here, especially the way it's broken up? to me, this would read much more succinctly without it, but hey, it's your baby.

    got any more experimental pieces like this?
    it's a refreshing direction you've taken.
    keep going with this.
    | Posted on 2009-02-08 00:00:00 | by meoww | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    170910

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Giving written by jjd
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    To written by SavedDragon
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Linger written by saartha
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Push written by JanePlane
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry