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    dots Submission Name: [Somehow] Jadeddots

    Author: Agent V.
    ASL Info:    23/girl/small town
    Elite Ratio:    7.23 - 38/29/24
    Words: 163
    Class/Type: Poetry/Death
    Total Views: 674
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1165

       A lot of work to be had here...just a first draft. I wanted to get the words and basic concepts down when I had the chance.

    I read it over now...it's such a first draft.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots[Somehow] Jadeddots

    When you confuse glass and ice
    (on the deadbeat highways of your world)
    and your eyes conspire the blue filter of blindness
    things take on the tragic effect
    of a battle lost to circumstance
    where words no longer console your seething desperation
    to be young and dumb (again.)

    You swear you'd do it right this time;
    smiling after the proper cues in conversation
    and ending each statement with nothing but a period.
    Another case of "the grass is always greener"
    but you no longer have to experience
    the dribble of today's youth
    and mistake it as something you could admire
    or possibly compare your failure to.

    Your mourning chair awaits
    your last chance to justify your chicken scratch
    in the feeble attempt to capture the melancholic beauty
    of the life's passion you've suffered with but never fought to keep.

    Collapsed, dead, six months later
    with a six word memoir.
    Your life wasted and thoroughly expressed.
    Writer: suffered life-long writer's block.

    Submitted on 2009-02-09 04:25:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      there is a sullen beauty to this that is intriguing and desperate: one that i strangely find comfort in, in the way you perceive this world at the moment you wrote it.

    some truly aching lines, especially in your third strophe. something which i can empathise with, which haunts me too. make sense? just a quiet nod from my corner, i guess.

    as for editing? the second line in brackets doesn't seem necessary for some reason, in that you could do away with it and still have your imagery come across crystal.

    most definitely.
    | Posted on 2009-02-09 00:00:00 | by meoww | [ Reply to This ]

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