Description: This is my Valentine's poem- it's addressed more to the day itself, and the idea of love, than to a person. I'm not a big fan of Valentines day, but I am a fan of the whole 'love' thing. And falcons, I love falcons.
For Valentina -------------------------------------------
Something in your syrupy smile
makes me queasy. I just can’t swallow
the Turkish delight eyes; can’t stomach
those jammy lips, smeared all over
your toasted waffle cheeks.
Pink and flapping, you’re a bubblegum
flamingo when you dance. I hate
your ornate pirouettes as you
coil softly around my waist like
an errant wisp of candyfloss.
If I were a falcon, I’d streak
down and wrench you from the sticky
sweetness congealing on your wings.
You’d be free from the caramel
goo, away from squawking inanity.
Valentina- I’d break your wings
and cleave beak from bone; I’d shred tufts
of feathery flesh, then drag you
naked across the cliff-face until
you screamed like a phoenix reborn.
Imagine our love: tender talons
knotted in a pulsing tug o’ war.
Valentina, we could cast aside
the saccharine and spend our days
spiralling madly through the skies.
i see the two ideas in this..although i do see a connection..the falcon swooping down taking her away..and then...or taking valentines day away...then dropping it back in its place minus alll the syrupy sweet parts...leaving just the bare bones..the straight up relationships without the frills...just the real thing...
not masked by saccharine,not covered up but in raw, real form...
i was hoping you would get back to the sweet thing at the end..and you did..nice symmetry...
will read more...i like how you put your ideas together...and the wording you use.
Ooooh, I see what you mean.
After reading this searing statement... mmm...
sounds like an all out war has broken out.
Let love be love, the tills shall be filled with other
mercantilistic ventures. I suspect though that the greed within humanity tends to corrupt all of its aspects and endeavours.
I was gone for about two months or so. It would seem people's work has gotten much more original in that time. My only real complaint is really more of an observation than a complaint, You do a complete one eighty in this. It is going one place with the food references, then it becomes something different, yet still related with the falcon comparisons. It would seem to me you could take theses two ideas, stretch them out a bit and then get two for one out of this. If ya' follow what I am saying. The food part kind of reminds me of a piece I wrote a few months ago I posted on here; I will go ahead and share it with you, being the ham that I am. Yours I dare say is better though...
"The Perfect Meal"
If your eyes are the main course
They surly you lips are the dessert
With all the ripened sweetness of berries in season
I would love nothing more than to make a whole meal of you
A lick of you milky skin would quench much more than my thirst
The flower that is you hair makes a perfect and romantic table setting
The whole of you is a meal to the heart
And comfort food for the soul
If only I was not left so hungry and wanting
My only wish is that I could satisfy you too
But it would seem one look at me and you decide to order out