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    dots Submission Name: For Valentinadots

    Author: Civilian
    ASL Info:    21/M/Australia
    Elite Ratio:    7.14 - 146/166/35
    Words: 153
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1569
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1051

       This is my Valentine's poem- it's addressed more to the day itself, and the idea of love, than to a person. I'm not a big fan of Valentines day, but I am a fan of the whole 'love' thing. And falcons, I love falcons.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFor Valentinadots

    Something in your syrupy smile
    makes me queasy. I just cant swallow
    the Turkish delight eyes; cant stomach
    those jammy lips, smeared all over
    your toasted waffle cheeks.

    Pink and flapping, youre a bubblegum
    flamingo when you dance. I hate
    your ornate pirouettes as you
    coil softly around my waist like
    an errant wisp of candyfloss.

    If I were a falcon, Id streak
    down and wrench you from the sticky
    sweetness congealing on your wings.
    Youd be free from the caramel
    goo, away from squawking inanity.

    Valentina- Id break your wings
    and cleave beak from bone; Id shred tufts
    of feathery flesh, then drag you
    naked across the cliff-face until
    you screamed like a phoenix reborn.

    Imagine our love: tender talons
    knotted in a pulsing tug o war.
    Valentina, we could cast aside
    the saccharine and spend our days
    spiralling madly through the skies.

    Submitted on 2009-02-11 20:22:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      i see the two ideas in this..although i do see a connection..the falcon swooping down taking her away..and then...or taking valentines day away...then dropping it back in its place minus alll the syrupy sweet parts...leaving just the bare bones..the straight up relationships without the frills...just the real thing...
    not masked by saccharine,not covered up but in raw, real form...

    i was hoping you would get back to the sweet thing at the end..and you did..nice symmetry...

    will read more...i like how you put your ideas together...and the wording you use.

    | Posted on 2011-05-29 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi Merry Meet! I totally agree on the subject. Good write. In memory of better days. Keep well. Be Blessed. Joachim.
    | Posted on 2009-02-19 00:00:00 | by Joachim | [ Reply to This ]
      Ooooh, I see what you mean.
    After reading this searing statement... mmm...
    sounds like an all out war has broken out.
    Let love be love, the tills shall be filled with other
    mercantilistic ventures. I suspect though that the greed within humanity tends to corrupt all of its aspects and endeavours.
    | Posted on 2009-02-16 00:00:00 | by CrypticBard | [ Reply to This ]
      I enjoy the sharp contrast between the metaphors. It brings to mind the randomness and brutality of love. This particular stanza was just haunting and fantastic:

    "Valentina- Id break your wings
    and cleave beak from bone; Id shred tufts
    of feathery flesh, then drag you
    naked across the cliff-face until
    you screamed like a phoenix reborn."

    Violent, yes, but very expressive. Overall a good write.

    Slainte chugat,

    | Posted on 2009-02-13 00:00:00 | by Shadowstar13 | [ Reply to This ]
      I was gone for about two months or so. It would seem people's work has gotten much more original in that time. My only real complaint is really more of an observation than a complaint, You do a complete one eighty in this. It is going one place with the food references, then it becomes something different, yet still related with the falcon comparisons. It would seem to me you could take theses two ideas, stretch them out a bit and then get two for one out of this. If ya' follow what I am saying. The food part kind of reminds me of a piece I wrote a few months ago I posted on here; I will go ahead and share it with you, being the ham that I am. Yours I dare say is better though...

    "The Perfect Meal"

    If your eyes are the main course
    They surly you lips are the dessert
    With all the ripened sweetness of berries in season
    I would love nothing more than to make a whole meal of you
    A lick of you milky skin would quench much more than my thirst
    The flower that is you hair makes a perfect and romantic table setting
    The whole of you is a meal to the heart
    And comfort food for the soul
    If only I was not left so hungry and wanting
    My only wish is that I could satisfy you too
    But it would seem one look at me and you decide to order out
    | Posted on 2009-02-12 00:00:00 | by nicodemous | [ Reply to This ]

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