reflection of perfection by shaman

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dots

<< | >>

Submission Name: reflection of perfection dots

--------------------------------------------------------

Author:	shaman
ASL Info:	27/m/Holland,MI
Elite Ratio:	8 - 808/380/72
Words:	116

Class/Type:	Poetry/
Total Views:	82
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	797

Description:

reflection of perfection dots

-------------------------------------------

What if the energy in a breath could postpone death indefinitely?
Beneath these skeletons are
keys to unlock the secrets of the ethers.
Each neuro pulse like light bulbs;
illuminating possibilities.
We manipulate energy,
redirect ideas,
imprint our own consciousness to shape our world.
Inspiration can be as easy as inhalation
or a space station a way.
We pray because we can't fathom own potential,
feeding the energy that some call god.
Whether we created God or god created us is irrelevant;
We are of the same intelligence,
instead of wishing to get nearer
Just look into a mirror.
Let your eyes detect what our soul already knows
reflections of perfection exposed

Submitted on 2009-02-12 13:09:09 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Hi Dave,

I see this one as coming through without a glitch. It just speaks of truth and says it without mincing a word.

I think we make choices too. And every moment we waste is a travesty. I'm glad to read this and be reminded of how much we control every aspect of our lives.

Hope all is well and that you're having fun. Thanks for sharing this too.

peace,

Nan
| Posted on 2009-04-07 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
  the questioning starts off great. then you go deep to opening words as you construct each phrase. very understanding poem.
| Posted on 2009-03-17 00:00:00 | by JoJoCrab | [ Reply to This ]
  i really enjoyed your first 8 lines: it's energetic, spiritual, yet totally direct in intention and execution. and i appreciate that.

after that, in all honesty, i feel that you started preaching. it's not a bad thing, but something i'm not really a fan of. i will definitely say that ditching line 9 would help this piece tremendously: "life is what we make it" is an overused expression, y'get me?

if this were my piece, and i know that it's not, i would keep the first 8 lines and be done with it. i like what you say about possibilities and neuronets and light and energy... there is much to ponder upon here already.

overall, this piece reminds me of tool lyrics. and they're awesome. so there you go. my 2.9 cents.
| Posted on 2009-02-14 00:00:00 | by meoww | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece? 7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?

171063

Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

[ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

Enter your search terms Submit search form

Web www.eliteskills.com

[ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
[ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .

[ Quick Signup ]
[ Lost Password ]

January 10 07
131,497 Poems
Posted

I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

[ Angst Poetry ]
[ Cutters ]
[ Famous Poetry ]
[ Poetry Scams ]

FontSize:
[ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]