The How's And Why's by MmR

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Submission Name: The How's And Why's dots

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Author:	MmR
Elite Ratio:	5.56 - 402/381/116
Words:	233

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	91
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1416

Description:
Simple sorrow

The How's And Why's dots

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I’d give anything
To know you know
And I wish on everything
I would have let it show
Now every night
I look up to the darkened sky
searching for all the answers
To my How’s and Why’s
And as the smile of the moon
Illuminates the sorrow on my face
I let myself go back
To another time and place
I was young and you were too
And all I wanted was to be like you
How was I to know back then
Exactly how our story would end

And now I’d give anything
To know you know
And I wish on everything
I would have let it show

But I can’t bring back yesterday
And now it’s too late for you to see
Because God took you by the hand
And He set you free
Now I’m left just sitting here
Underneath this darkened sky
Wondering if you feel my pain
Or hear each regret within my cries
Do you know how much I love you
Do you know how much I care
Do you know how much it hurts
That I am here and you are there
Do you know all my Would’ve Could’ves
That just won’t let me go
And how much I wish
It wasn’t too late to let it show…

Submitted on 2009-02-13 22:26:06 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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||| Comments |||
  I've just came from reading your other piece "Tonight", and can't help thinking the muse behind each is the same. I adore the way you wrote this piece, and agree with Daniel below about the way when you are reading it, it kind of gains pace and you start reading faster.

You described what you were feeling exactly and in a very majestic form, and the way you've written it I could almost feel the regret and anguish you are/were feeling.

Really enjoying your work now i've found you. I'll be sure to look out for more of your work.

Danny
| Posted on 2009-02-17 00:00:00 | by corruptedspirit | [ Reply to This ]
  i hate trying to be technical in reviewing poetry.
personally the technical aspects were never my thing, i think, alot of times poetry can still be amazing without all kinds of confusing metaphor, overtly cryptic arrogance, or anything of the such. poetry can speak from a place, both personal and relatable, and that is one quality i have noticed a good bit of your poetry comes from.

| Posted on 2009-02-16 00:00:00 | by cornonthekob | [ Reply to This ]
  Hey MmR,

What I like about this is that it starts off as questioning conversation and then gathers pace and works itself into a melody or song of sincerity and urgency.

"That I am here and are there"

I think you're missing "you"

If you're inclined to tamper with it you might consider there are some phrases used that are fairly commonplace. I feel it would be a shame if that detracted from the feelings conveyed so well.

Daniel
| Posted on 2009-02-13 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
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3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece? 7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?

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