Description: I did a painting of/for a girly I know. She does a lot of photography with broken heart themes so I added this to be more personal and of "her".
Karie's Poem (back round for a painting) -------------------------------------------
when Two become One
and One becomes None
the Lone heart in Pieces you will find
Wow. It's interesting. True. And even though you keep it simple and short, it's delves into some pretty deep waters. I think you did an excellent job writing it. Though, I'm not sure if I agree with the inverted sentence in line 3. It mind sound better regular. Though, it sounds pretty good as is. So, eh, whatever.
I like the complex simplicity of it too. But I also think that, unless you painted her as a stick figure, it needs a poetic defibrillator. In other words you could dress up the language. The last line especially could use some sort of twist or flourish. Also, I think you should drop the s from "becomes" in the second line.
Such simple words with such deep meaning. And I think that anyone who reads this will have someway to relate. Possible the best three lines of poetry I've read here.
I love it, and it may just be the state of mind I'm in but I don't think you could of done any better.
Submission Name: Karie's Poem (back round for a painting)
