Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Interludedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: realpoet
    Elite Ratio:    6.51 - 904/475/311
    Words: 251
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 626
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1395



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Interludedots
    -------------------------------------------


    You'er cheating, you'er cheating on me,
    on me, I saw you there.
    You said you had homework,
    but I saw you there.
    I was in the cinema, alone,
    alone thinking of you
    when he came in hugging you close
    and you two sat three rows in front of me.
    He kissed you three times a minute.
    I got up and left. I know you saw me
    as I stopped by your row then ran out .

    INTERLUDE

    I was not cheating,not cheating on you.
    That was my out-of-town half brother,
    who dropped in while in town.
    He said, "Let's take in a movie,
    like we used to do."
    He was not kissing me, not kissing me.
    He was whispering so as not to disturb.
    Why didn't you come and sit beside me?
    If he were my date, I would have told you so.

    INTERLUDE

    For the sake of my eating your sincerity ,
    how about the soda bar after school ?
    I'd like to meet your half-brother,
    if he has the guts to show up.

    INTERLUDE

    That's fine with me, my love,
    my love with a bit of jealousy.
    Trust me. Trust me,
    I'll tell you when it's over.
    I'll not let you fall out of love with me.
    Want to seal it with a kiss ?




    Submitted on 2009-02-15 04:43:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i was ready to give a very poor review into the first stanza but was pleasently surprised with the twist.

    nice place between lyric and poetry.

    and clever story telling approach between monologues, confusing a tad at first, but clear enough to work.
    | Posted on 2009-02-16 00:00:00 | by cornonthekob | [ Reply to This ]
      

    It's cute. I bet it's got a catchy rhythm. What genre would you classify it as? Sounds like Techno or pop in my head. Just wondering how it was supposed to be.


    I like it. It's original, too. I like how they too parts are kind of talking to each other. It ends happily too. That's nice.


    It sounds sort of choppy in my head. Are there any long notes? Or is it all badumbadum. Sort of thing?


    Nice write.
    | Posted on 2009-02-15 00:00:00 | by SweetAndOhSoME | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    171158

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    The Promise written by annie0888
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Incubus written by monad
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Giving written by jjd
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry