[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: My Fairytaledots

    Author: AngelinDisguise
    ASL Info:    23/F/AUS
    Elite Ratio:    2.23 - 133/171/100
    Words: 250
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 742
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1489

    I knwo My Punctuation is Messed Up you Dont Need To Remind Me.....
    I Write How It Comes To My Head.. not How You Think it Should Be..

    This Poem is About My Life.. Its A Fairytale Yet A Story
    Written By Myself..
    Its My Story My Life Written In Words Which Sound So Graceful
    Read It And Leave Your Feedback

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy Fairytaledots

    Im Kind Of Like Cinderella You See
    The World Ran By In Front Of Me
    But That Fateful Night My World Changed
    There Were No Glass Slippers Or Fancy Balls
    Just Prince Charming At My Door...
    My Brand New Life Was In His Hand
    I Closed My Eyes And Off I Went
    Everything Was Clearer A World With More Colour
    More Amazing, To Which I Would Soon Discover
    A World Of Love, Trust And Faith
    A Happy Ending Would Lay On The Next Page.
    Locked In A Tower A Million Metres From The Ground
    Prince Charming Was There To Lend A Hand
    To Escape This World I Had Forever Known
    With One Little Kiss I Finally Awoke
    From The Dream Id Been Living Inside Of Me
    Everything Id Dreamt Had Finally Come True
    Everything I Needed I Found In You
    But Of course There Was The Wicked Step Mother Always Trying To Bring Me Down
    To Ruin This Fairytale I Had Found
    But The Story Was Not Finished
    The Page Has Not Turned
    There Is More To This Story
    For Which You Will learn
    I Have Changed The Story
    I have Changed The Location
    Which Now Leaves Me Here In My Final Desitnation
    This Magic Land On Make Believe
    Is What I Seek And What i See
    This Fairy tale lives inside of me...
    It Not What I Whished its Not What I Dreamed
    This Fairytale Will Continue As Long As I believe.

    Submitted on 2009-02-15 13:00:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I really like how you made it positive, unlike a lot of others that use ES for their poems and writing. I really find it interesting though that in some places your grammar is... alternating between OK and Great. Altogether, its a good piece, it really reminded me of what my Mom said when my Dad arranged for their marriage vows to be redone. Keep writing, great things come not to those who wait, but those who keep working to become better. Now I nitpick.

    Punctuation, In your words, such as Id, you forgot to put an apostrophe in between the letters. Also, try and variate your words a little more, add some spice. Finally, You have 2 small I's in the last four lines of the piece. Fix that, and your good, because your sitting on gold here.
    | Posted on 2009-02-17 00:00:00 | by JoelIsHere | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]