that was unexpected.
You know, the phone
rings and I, innocently of course
pick it up intending to
say nothing more than a short
hello and turn the caller
on their way.
But instead, I am
caught off guard, much to my
or rather, my disgust,
by your deep, rich,
"Good afternoon, dearest."
And I swear to God
shards of ice made their way
through my bloodstream
one by one
and my hand began to shake
and my forehead to sweat
and I answered,
"Hello to you."
With the next words, I could hear
the smile in your voice.
You inquired as to with what
(whom, you MEANT)
I was spending my time
and how my life is treating me
and I answer as nonchalantly as possible.
No answer seems to sate you
just as I thought
because you're searching
for something specific
and you won't stop
until you achieve it.
I feel pathetic
because this fucking phone call
has me so up in arms
I could wrap my arms around my legs and cry
But instead, I do what I do best
and I sound as cheerful and interested as I can
in the goings-on of your New Life Without Me.
I tease you about lies that you continue to tell
and pretend to let you get away with them
And I giggle when you tell me more
as though I am stupid enough to believe.
And I lie when you ask me if I'm ok
because there's no way in fuck
you deserve to know the truth to that one.
I let the ruby red drip from my lips
and I can hear your arousal through the phone
through your voice
because, to you,
My lips are so close to yours
but never quite meet you in the middle
and I know I am disappointing you.
I know you well.
I know this dance.
the let down is on purpose..
and, as for the other times:
These lips have found another suitor.
MY autonomy will drive me to the end.