Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Dial Tonedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: awastedsky
    ASL Info:    22/f/AZ
    Elite Ratio:    5.1 - 116/151/98
    Words: 367
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Longing
    Total Views: 612
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 2409



    Description:
       this call cannot be completed as dialed.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDial Tonedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Well,
    that was unexpected.
    You know, the phone
    rings and I, innocently of course
    pick it up intending to
    say nothing more than a short
    hello and turn the caller
    on their way.

    But instead, I am
    caught off guard, much to my
    surprise,
    or rather, my disgust,
    by your deep, rich,
    seductive
    charismatic
    aggravating voice.
    "Good afternoon, dearest."

    And I swear to God
    shards of ice made their way
    through my bloodstream
    one by one
    and my hand began to shake
    and my forehead to sweat
    and I answered,
    "Hello to you."

    With the next words, I could hear
    the smile in your voice.
    You inquired as to with what
    (whom, you MEANT)
    I was spending my time
    and how my life is treating me
    and I answer as nonchalantly as possible.
    No answer seems to sate you
    just as I thought
    because you're searching
    for something specific
    and you won't stop
    until you achieve it.

    I feel pathetic
    because this fucking phone call
    has me so up in arms
    I could wrap my arms around my legs and cry
    But instead, I do what I do best
    and I sound as cheerful and interested as I can
    in the goings-on of your New Life Without Me.

    I tease you about lies that you continue to tell
    and pretend to let you get away with them
    And I giggle when you tell me more
    as though I am stupid enough to believe.
    And I lie when you ask me if I'm ok
    because there's no way in fuck
    you deserve to know the truth to that one.
    I let the ruby red drip from my lips
    and I can hear your arousal through the phone
    through your voice
    because, to you,
    this information
    is carnal.

    My lips are so close to yours
    but never quite meet you in the middle
    and I know I am disappointing you.
    I know you well.

    I know this dance.

    But baby,
    this time,
    the let down is on purpose..
    and, as for the other times:
    Fuck you.
    These lips have found another suitor.

    MY autonomy will drive me to the end.




    Submitted on 2009-02-16 06:50:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Yeah!

    Well, this one was a bit different. Easy to follow and enjoyable to read.

    I felt captured by it, almost as if I were hearing a joke and waiting for the puchline (I mean that in a good way).

    I think the piece draws the reader in and encourages them to keep reading.

    I liked the line "I could wrap my arms around my legs and cry" and I think the last line was perfect - a good finish.

    I haven't really read anything like this on here before, and it made a nice change.

    I thought it was strange that you classed it as lyrics, as I couldn't imagine someone singing this!

    Anyway, thumps up! Shall I put it down as a favourite...?? You know what? I think I will!

    Alex
    | Posted on 2009-02-16 00:00:00 | by alexboy | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    171183

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Carry written by saartha
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Love written by saartha
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    The World written by jjd
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    prison written by ShyOne
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Records I written by Raphael
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    Dream written by closetpoet
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    winners circle written by ShyOne

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry