Desire by BlueTorcher

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Submission Name: Desire dots

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Author:	BlueTorcher
Elite Ratio:	4.67 - 79/97/96
Words:	91

Class/Type:	Poetry/
Total Views:	633
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	617

Description:

Desire

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Faraway you seem to be
Yet your face appears before me
Staining my mind with gentle gestures
speckled with treasure
Is this love?

Wanting you here
Wishing you close
Waiting for your kiss to land, but not upon my cheek

Innocent thoughts
Turn into something more devilish and sure
Confidence and sexiness simultaneously opens a door
Leading to a world
Of delicious skin

Protected and secured until our bodies meet
Then an only then
Will it be their turn to speak

Submitted on 2009-02-16 18:28:37 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
This is much better! I felt like you tried to actually portray some real emotion in this one and you've done it pretty well with a couple of real nice lines

"Staining my mind with gentle gestures
speckled with treasure"

That was my favourite, I like this piece and shows the desire and expectations from someone you love or want to love you. Couple of small points...

Last stanza line 2 "an" should probably be and?
Stanza 2 line 3 instead of "me" maybe my?

but other than that you have a good piece here and I think you concentrate more on writing like this than the other three that you posted beforehand as you are better at it in my opinion.

Nice write,

Danny
| Posted on 2009-02-17 00:00:00 | by corruptedspirit | [ Reply to This ]

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Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3 It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.