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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Notebook: Pisseddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: BlueTorcher
    Elite Ratio:    5.82 - 73/57/63
    Words: 71
    Class/Type: Poetry/Angry
    Total Views: 93
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 426



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Notebook: Pisseddots
    -------------------------------------------


    I'm mad don't you get
    So just leave me alone
    I'm tired of you bothering me
    Do you not have a clue
    When I said stop bothering me
    I was talking about you

    I'm mad don't you get it
    That you've pissed me off
    Not once, not twice
    But more than you can count
    Because when you did
    You hurt me more than you could see




    Submitted on 2009-02-16 19:09:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I think what Raphael is saying in his short and sweet comment is that this is a pretty standard piece of angst/anger and to be honest if you looked through the angst posts on this site you'd find at least 10 just like it.

    If you are going to write angst poetry can I suggest that you try and break from the normal things that are posted everyday and make it a bit more personal to yourself, actually show some feeling other than just a random rant.

    Why you pissed?
    Who with?
    What did you feel before they pissed you off?

    That kind of thing, on the other side it does kind of read pretty well. First line though think you missed an "it" of the end of the line?
    Other than that for the "anger" that you were trying to portray you did very well, I'd just like to see a touch more personality in pieces liek these.

    Take care,

    Danny
    | Posted on 2009-02-17 00:00:00 | by corruptedspirit | [ Reply to This ]
      Aww...do you need a hug or something?
    | Posted on 2009-02-16 00:00:00 | by Raphael | [ Reply to This ]



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